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New Campus Bar, Bleachers, Expected To Be Overrun By GDIs


Despite its total LSU dad name, the new bar on campus, Bleachers, predicts GDIs and the non-sports fanatics will overrun it.


Bleachers’ new owner, Patty Willis, says she is absolutely elated by this estimate, and even plans to lure the GDIs into her bar, the small demographic at LSU who don’t get a boner every time “Calling Baton Rouge” comes on a game day.


“I plan to host slam poetry nights where we can express our oppression towards literally everything at LSU and play super edgy, underground music that no one’s heard of, like Mumford & Sons. It won’t be like most bars around here.”


Willis says the name “Bleachers” is not to be taken literally, but instead, in an edgy, ironic manner.


“Oh, you thought we meant metal-sports bleachers? No… It’s actually supposed to be artsy and ironic, kind of like the band, Bleachers,” explains Patty.


“I mean irony is so in right now so I think it’s going to be a hit. All of the bars around here only cater to the LSU dads and to the Greeks. Not Bleachers. Bleachers is going to be a safe space where talks of sports and frats will not be tolerated.”


Bleachers, opening sometime this fall semester, was once Mahoney’s, the dusty Irish sport’s pub who proudly served beers to angry, fist slamming 32-year men who are back in college for a round 2 and who like to blast Aerosmith on the bar’s jukebox.


Patty hopes to shut these sport-guy types out and only serve beers to the cool, nonconventional LSU student. Patty gave the new dive a complete face-lift, swapping framed jerseys for aggressive tribal art.


“Despite what you think of our bar, we hope to eventually ban athletic attire and white washed wranglers,” says Patty.



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