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Senior’s Hope of Meaningful Relationship Dashed By Hot Freshman

After his being single became the hottest topic of every family Christmas party, LSU senior Brock Michaels resolved to put an end to his family’s nagging, and find himself a girl he could bring home to mommy.

“I’m a fifth year senior, basically a grown man. I definitely think it’s time to settle down, and find a girl I could possibly start a future with. And besides, it’d be nice to start getting some pussy on the reg.”

He describes his ideal future wife as a “Jesus in the streets, and a freak in the sheets,” with “moderate to severe daddy issues.”

On 9:30 Monday morning, Brock arrived to his first day of classes donned in a purple and gold polo, with American flag chubbies, and a pair of Sperrys. Despite his new-found maturity and vow to pursue a meaningful relationship, his resolve was quickly undermined by one glance at the young, hot freshman sitting down next to him in class.

“I mean, yeah, a girlfriend would be nice. It’d be especially nice to get my family off my ass about it. But, I have my entire life to settle down. I’m a student at a SEC school full of beautiful, naive girls. Why should I have to pick just one?”

Brock did not hesitate to “turn up the charm” and make a move on unsuspecting freshman, Ally Stewart.

“You come here often? I’m Brock. I’m a senior. We should totally meet up at Reggie’s sometime. I could get you drinks if you Venmo me back afterwards.”

Ally was extremely flattered by Brock’s forwardness.

“Oh my God, like on the first day of classes an older guy hit on me? And wants to go out with me? He was so sweet offering to buy me drinks if I pay him back. Like that’s really cool of him. My mom met my dad her first year of college, so if Reggie’s goes well, then I totally think this could turn into something.”

Ally slipped Brock her snapchat code, and after adding each other as friends, they began rapidly sending emojis.
“It’s never too early to send some eggplant emojis,” Brock commented.

Are these two college kids having fun, or do we hear wedding bells?

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