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Out Of State Students Can’t Grasp Mardi Gras Traditions

With Mardi Gras approaching quickly, LSU students couldn’t be more excited to swap their t-shirts for Perlis shirts, and caravan down to New Orleans for five fun days of screaming, grinding, flashing, and public intoxication. The stores are cleaned out from girls purchasing their sequined ball gowns, and Facebook has become nothing but pictures of attention-seeking, wannabe royalty reigning as queens over small-town parades.

All of the hype is leaving out-of-staters with just one question: “What the fuck is Mardy Grass?”

LSU is run amuck with rogue out of state students trying desperately to fit in with the locals. Aside from hurling beads at anyone near them, and getting hammered off of Fat Tuesday’s in the middle of class, girls have notably begun waiting outside of Lockett and flashing their tits at the Tiger Trails buses.

“Wow I see what all of the hype is about! I looked up Mardy Grass on Google and have been doing everything to fit in. I’ve been drunk for like five days. Fat Tuesday’s must know my order by now. I took all of my nice jewelry and have been throwing it to people when they least expect it. And to top it off a bunch of other girls and I have been standing outside of Lockett every day and waving our tits at the Tiger Trails buses!” serial flasher Alana Meyers from Portland, Oregon states.

A group of out of state students recently created the Coalition for Confused Out-of-Staters, where they hold weekly meetings and have local students come explain some tradition or concept to them, even helping them with pronunciations of words such as Jambalaya, Geaux, Tchoupitoulas, and Mardi Gras.

This week Alana Meyers was brought before the board and chastised for her wrongful execution of a Mardi Gras celebration. Alana was so trashed she began throwing jewelry, singing, and flashing the small audience of six members. She took off all of her clothes and began streaking to Lockett before anyone could stop her. Lucky for everyone else, they had already left for NOLA to celebrate the real Mardi Gras.

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