Ever woken up from a night full of liquor and regret to laying a stranger’s bed, desperately wanting to get home as quickly as possible? The Black Sheep has mapped out the most efficient paths across LSU’s campus to make your morning after’s just a little bit easier.
Route 1 – South Hall to Stadium Lot
Find yourself going home with freshmen from Reggie’s after a night out? Here’s the best route for you to get your ass back to your car in the commuter lot as quickly as possible. Along the way, you can stop off at Mike the Tiger’s empty habitat and feel the judgment from his lingering ghost about your escapades with a repugnant freshman.
Route 2 – Frat House to Public Safety Office
Wake up from a night of mediocre sex with a frat boy to him eating a cupcake and watching you sleep? Take this trek to the Public Safety Office to report a Stage 5 clinger.
Route 3 – Ag Center to Quad
After a tumble in the haystacks of the Ag fields, carry your dirty ass to the quad so you can pretend like you’re going to class but really just sit in Smoker’s Alley for 3 hours.
Route 4 – Frat House to Christ the King
Take this course to repent for your sins after another night in a frat house cesspool. Clean off the evidence with the holy water and be sure to make room for Jesus next time.
Route 5 – Indian Mounds to Student Union
Couldn’t even make it back to a bed to get your freak on? Scurry to the Union from your night rolling around the mounds to fill your body with something just as regretful – Chik’n Grill.
Route 6 – Herget to Student Health Center
Herget? Really? Tote your nasty ass over to the Student Health Center after this night of regret because who knows what kind of disease you contracted from that syphilis-infected building.
Route 7 – Sorority House to UREC
Sweat out all the toxins from your pillow fights and lezzie adventures in a sorority house by hiking over the UREC for some laps around the track.
Good luck out there, Tigers. No shame in fornicating but these paths will get you back to comfort as quickly as possible.
Like booze before noon? So do these guys…