2 Chainz to Headline Art Attack in 2017, For Some Reason

author-pic at University of Maryland  

Last week, Student Entertainment Events at the University of Maryland announced that 2 Chainz would headline the school’s annual Art Attack concert, because apparently he’s still relevant? Along with 2 Chainz, Ty Dolla $ign will be performing as well, for reasons that remain unclear. Despite the fact that both 2 Chainz and Ty Dolla $ign have been on the backburner of the music industry since the early 2010’s, neither the UMD student body nor SEE seem to notice or have any concern whatsoever about his irrelevancy.

“C’mon, 2 Chainz isn’t that bad, right?” said a member of SEE who asked to remain anonymous. “We were really aiming for Soulja Boy or Vanilla Ice, but we knew that would crash our website. You know, ‘cause people would buy every last ticket. So we had to take it down a notch. We even got the guy from that ‘Shell Shocked’ song that they play at every sports game!”

“Having peaked in tenth grade,” said the anonymous SEE member. “This is going to be the greatest concert of my life!”

Still, not all students were happy to hear the news.

“This shit sucks. Are we in 2012 or something?” said sophomore Tori Poole upon receiving news of the announcement. “SEE does this every year almost. The University of Delaware gets Future and Chance the Rapper, Towson gets Lil Wayne and we get T-Pain or 2 Chainz. Its like I’m freshman in high school all over again.”

The Black Sheep had a chance to meet with President Loh, who seemed excited over the choice to bring 2 Chainz. “I fuck with Tity Boi, fam; he’s ‘bout dope as hell. But if he doesn’t do ‘No Lie,’ I’ma catch ‘em off campus and turn him into 1 Chain. I put that on my momma.”