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5 Messages In The B-Stat GroupMe That Prove Terps Are A Weird Breed

A GroupMe that contains 600+ UMD students is bound to bring out some strange, creative, and disgruntled voices. Imagine being in a room of screaming monkeys. Now imagine if each one was pounding on an iPhone keyboard, sending messages to your B-Stat class GroupMe. Ping! Ping! Ping! Here’s 5 examples of what those messages would say. 

5.) “Gucci belts for sale”:
With a picture included, of course. And boy, do they look fake. But they’re on sale for the “low-low,” whatever that means. Props to this student for their entrepreneurial prowess during the last few hours before the B-Stat midterm. Maybe if he spent more time studying the standard normal distribution and less time soliciting money from his classmates, he’d know that the probability that anyone pays you actual money for your alleged “Gucci” belts is 0!

4.) “Guys I meme-d our professor”:
Including a picture of the professor’s head superimposed onto DJ Khaled’s body, the words “Another One!” and the caption, “When the professor posts too many clicker questions.” Followed by a slew of other professor’s-head-pasted-on-things-and-people memes, this GroupMe has made the humorous transition from mathematical to memeological.

3.) The answer key:
Which appears to be a super grainy photo potentially related to the Nixon administration’s Watergate scandal. The photo brings to mind a few questions, which include: How did this person acquire the homework answers? What kind of booby traps were evaded in the acquisition of these homework answers? Is this GroupMe going to become a hub for trading black market answer keys? Is this kid actually an undercover TA? Probably not, but it’s not impossible, seeing as this would be the perfect bait for a GroupMe-sting operation. Be on the lookout, kids.

2.) The B-Stat and brews party:
Because what’s more fun than cracking open a cold one with your B-Stat homies? Not much. Especially since you’ve all now bonded over your failing midterm grades. But maybe that hot, stupid girl from your class will be in attendance of this party and you can flirtatiously explain Z-scores to her in a way that discreetly professes your love to her. Or you could just @ her in the GroupMe.

1.) The “did you just bomb that exam?” poll:
And unsurprisingly, the winning answer is “Yes, I’m ded.” Whether by a joint lack of studying or a massive misunderstanding of the content, it looks like everyone’s gonna need a fat curve to achieve a passing grade. Good thing that one kid will probably throw another B-Stat and Brews party so all 600 of you can drown your sorrows in Natty.

Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb, hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep, Mackenzie & Andrea. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire. Subscribe to Talk of Shame:

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