5 Things About New UMD Semesters That Never Change

author-pic at University of Maryland  

It’s the start of a new semester in good ol’ College Park, and even though there’s tons of new unnecessary stuff on campus (looking at the new Cole Field House), there are just some things about the start of the school year on this campus that will never, ever change.

5.) Freshmen walking in packs to frat parties:
We get it; you’re freshmen, you probably only heard about one lame party through a friend of a friend’s brother in a frat, and you have no idea where to go to drink three shitty beers and get “so trashed.” If you’re a female, your options are limitless, but you should prepare to be followed by creepy freshmen guys hoping to improve their ratios to get into the parties because their fakes aren’t here yet.

4.) The obligatory awkward “how was your summer” conversation:
There’s nothing scarier than hearing “hey, weren’t you in my COMM/ENES/MATH class last semester?” Look, I don’t remember your name, and you don’t remember mine either, but I guess we’re going to sit here and talk, and look like we’re social. Yes, my summer was good. No, I don’t actually care about how your summer was, but I’m going to ask anyway. Okay great, good talk. Yeah, I’m not looking forward to this class.

3.) The first rub of Testudo’s nose:
Having been away from campus all summer and only being able to worship Testudo through creating memes about him has every student legitimately excited to rub Testudo’s worn bronzed nose in the hopes that he’ll give them the luck to be able to graduate eventually. The summer was long but our dedication to our fearless leader has remained strong.

2.) The line at Bent’s:
No matter what time you get there, the line is always to Slices. Always. You never fail to question yourself why you go to this trash place, but you know that you’ll always end up here. No other bar can be compared to it, and no other bar should be compared to it. On a scale of 1 to 10, Bent’s ranks as a -3. It’s like a sweaty frat party that you pay for, with only slightly better drinks.

1.) An uncomfortable UMD Alert:
Remember the times when you could wake up and your phone wouldn’t have dozens of texts about burglaries and armed robberies waiting for you after a lit Saturday night? Yeah, us too, for one week in the summer. This semester started off with not just one, but two classic indecent exposures on campus early Sunday morning. The Naked Man™ has been proven to work only two out of three times, and this was not one of those times.

To all of our fellow Terps, The Black Sheep staff wishes you a fantastic syllabus week full of cheap drinks and hopefully not crushed dreams.