Every Terp needs to take a pre-finals de-stressor by hitting the bars with their gang. But, what do you do WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, YOU SEE WALLACE MF LOH KNOCKING DOWN SHOTS? You might freeze, you might snap a video of it to your friends who decided to stay in, you might even throw up on the spot. But Wally Loh is right there at the bar and you think you’re dreaming. What do you do? The Black Sheep has you covered.
5.) Apologize for lowering the school’s average GPA:
Wally doesn’t know it, but you’re failing three classes. So instead of rubbing naughty daddy Testudo’s nose, you confess your sins and your greatest fears to the university’s president. You tell him your parents should’ve aborted you and “class is just too fucking hard, man.” Wally won’t care though, he’s too busy picking up your crush from math class.
4.) Buy him a shot:
You goddamn alcoholic. Why would you enable Wally? Well, why wouldn’t you? The more shots of tequila you throw his way, the more you can swindle him into forcing your professors to raise your grade. He might even send a drunk text to your professor telling them they’re a waste of life. Wally can be a harsh one when he’s feeling it.
3.) Flirt with him:
Let’s face it, Wally is HOT. We’d let Mr. Loh whisper sweet nothings in our ear and rub our back. He’s the president! If he’s there this Friday, go to him and whisper in his ear that you’d like him to give you more than just a turtle pin. Trust us, it should work.
2.) Talk to him about the football team:
Tell him to hire you to take a position on the football team. Not a position as a coach or anything, but as a football player. Now, should college athletes get paid? Raise the question and prove your case. BOOM! Now you’re the starting quarterback on the team getting paid under the table. Just don’t tear your ACL like the rest of them…
1.) Ask him for a job:
Having trouble scoring that job after graduation? No problem! Get Wallace Loh drunk enough and tell him you’re the valedictorian of your class, just like Gio Managadze. If he questions anything, just write him a long letter on the spot then say it was just an experiment, or that you were trying to go viral. He’ll TOTALLY love it and offer you a six-figure position somewhere.
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