Here at the University of Maryland, campus jobs are abundant for our students (after all, Chipotle does not come cheap). However, some jobs are not quite as luxurious as others. The Black Sheep came up with for the top 5 WORST campus jobs for students at UMD.
5.) Book Re-Shelfer at McKeldin Library:
On the rare occasion that someone actually rents a real, page-filled book out of the seven-story home of tired, cramming college students, it sure is a pain to follow the Dewey decimal system for a library with over 1.2 million books! McKeldin’s got stacks on stacks and racks on racks of these antiquities (most of which never see the light of day anymore thanks to online resources). Trekking up and down the miniscule escalator with a ridiculously large cart full of books that students checked out for that one obscure paper they had to write doesn’t exactly sound like a good time, much less figuring out where each of them goes.
4.) Police Auxiliary:
As fun as dealing with drunk students is at 3a.m. on a Saturday morning, after a long Friday night, somehow it doesn’t sound like most people’s cup of tea. Commonly referred to as “UMD’s Rent-A-Cop”, these brave, unarmed students take on those severely inebriated peers who have decided that taking their clothes off in the fountain is the best idea anyone could ever have! Their yellow shirts hardly get the respect they deserve as they are called to escort scared and lonely students from point A to point B safely (however, as previously stated they are unarmed, but could potentially be sacrificed to the attacker presumably so you could get away).
3.) The Dining Hall:
Having to touch the mysteriously colored chef’s choice meal of the day may almost be as disgusting as consuming it, but these brave souls take on this task valiantly with their hairnets and gloves ready to go at a moments notice! Beware of HANGRY college students with the misconception that they can just “run into the diner and grab something real quick”, they will only become hangrier as they wait in the everlasting line and get to you. Being screamed at that YES THEY DO WANT LEAF LETTUCE is one of the many pleasantries you will encounter if you are daring enough to take on this form of employment at UMD.
2.) UM Shuttle Drivers:
Living in constant fear that you may be responsible for someone getting free tuition because they decided to jump into the cross walk just as you decided it was safe to proceed after the stop sign is a seriously stressful undertaking for our beloved UMD bus drivers. If you choose to take on this line of work, there are a few catch phrases that need to be mastered: “No, I can’t just let you off here. It’s not a designated stop,” “If you’re going to throw up, please use the trashcan in the front of the bus,” “move back please,” “keep moving back please,” “THERE’S STILL SPACE IN THE BACK IF YOU COULD ALL MOVE BACK PLEASE!”(And there are just a select few). Good luck to you courageous few and may the foot-traffic in crosswalks be ever in your favor.
Working for DOTS (aka Devils of Transportation Services) is most definitely the WORST UMD campus job purely for the fact that you must first sacrifice your soul along with every last ounce of compassion in your body. We have all grown to hate this awful, soul sucking, money hungry, ticket-loving, day ruining department at UMD, and if you work for these leeches, you should prepare yourself to become public enemy number one. (Or you could be the change you want to see in the world and just forgive all of our parking tickets because WE SWEAR WE PAID THE METER and were on our way to put more money in!)
Whether its dealing with our lovely, inebriated population on a Saturday morning or torturing the souls of already poor college students by making them pay obscene amounts of money because they were 5 minutes late back to their car (we are looking at you again DOTS), some of the campus jobs at UMD don’t quite hit the mark on a life of ease and should probably be getting paid more than minimum wage for all that they have to put up with (except you DOTS, only people with souls deserve more than $8.25/hour. You deserve nothing). Hopefully this opens your eyes for where not to apply for next semester, and if you’re one of the poor students who have one of these jobs, we salute you!
(Again, except for DOTS. We still hate you.)