6 Things You Definitely Won’t Miss About College Park Over Break

author-pic at University of Maryland  

Ah, winter break. There’s nothing sweeter than being done with the countless hours of studying that go along with finals. Although, leaving campus would also be pretty sweet. Actually, come to think of it, nothing’s sweeter than leaving campus for break! Okay, we’re sure some of you are thinking, “C’mon, I love College Park! What wouldn’t I miss?” Well, here are a few things you definitely won’t be longing for during winter break:

6.) The South Campus Diner:

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If you’ve ever eaten at this god-forsaken establishment, then you know exactly what hell is. To be fair, the South Campus Dining Hall is miles ahead of the North Campus Dining Hall. Still, the food they serve in either of them is enough to disembowel a full-grown man, woman, or even a horse. You couldn’t pay The Black Sheep enough money to go back there (but feel free to make an offer).

5.) Stamp Hill:

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Let’s be honest: this hill is straight up horseshit. You  have to be a psychopath to miss walking up this awful piece of land over break. Then again, we guess it’d be weird if anyone missed it at all during the semester either. Point is, Stamp Hill has lead to more asthma attacks than this season’s men’s basketball scores have lead to anxiety attacks. 

4.) DOTS:

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Seriously, fuck DOTS. If any department at the University of Maryland needs to fall off the face of the earth, it’s DOTS. You can’t even get away with parking in Lot Z five minutes before 4 o’clock strikes without DOTS immediately pouncing on you with a $75 ticket. Fuck cheetahs; DOTS employees are the fastest animals on Earth. Missing DOTS is like missing Hitler: no reasonable person would do it.

3.) The Seventh Floor of McKeldin:

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If those walls could talk, they would be constantly screaming in terror. If you understand how stressful the library is, then you know what it’s like to force yourself to go up there. As if McKeldin wasn’t hard to handle already, the infamous seventh floor will make you want to bleach your eyes. We mean that very literally. Seriously, it’s happened to a lot of our friends.

2.) RJ Bentley’s Filling Station:

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Come on, now. You don’t really like Bent’s, do you? If there were a hell on Earth, it would be right inside. There’s nothing appealing about sticky floors, over priced drinks, mile long lines, seeing random freshmen hook up, and that odor that’s halfway between body odor and vomit (but a lot closer to vomit). The only reasons to go here are to make sure your Tinder matches aren’t catfishes or just to die.

1.) Campus-Wide Construction:

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You can’t go anywhere on campus without seeing yellow tape and that orange mesh blocking off the exactly path you need to walk on. At the same time, you can’t sit inside your dorm or apartment without hearing a jackass with a jackhammer, along with some other sort of heavy machinery, at work. There’s something about peace and quiet that, if we recall, is a hell of a lot better than the nightmare we’ve all been dealing with.

But hey, at least you get a whole month without that stuff. Who knows? Maybe by January 25th, you’ll actually miss DOTS.

We’re just kidding of course, but could you imagine?