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Best Places to Perform an Exorcism at UMD!

Have you ever thought about playing with a Ouija Board or trying to sell your soul to the Devil for fame and fortune? If so, you probably know the repercussions of summoning an evil entity into the current world. You unfortunately brought this evil not only into the real world, but also to our beloved campus. Why would you do that to your peers? Why would you risk potential hellfire upon you and your friends? That Oujia Board doesn’t seem like such a great idea now, huh? Anyway, in your case, we’ve provided a sturdy list of places in the event that you need to rip the demon out of your buddy.

5.) Gary Williams’ Court at the Xfinity Center:
Well, you can sell whatever demon you extort from a body to the devil to make the basketball team good again. Set your candles up, grab a pastor and lay your friend dead center of the basketball court to make get that demon on out. Just make sure to catch the spirit in a basketball net so it can turn from an evil spirit into a good spirit for the school’s sake.

4.) The Point of Failure:
Turn the bad juju from stepping onto the point into an even more sinister spot to step on. For this one, just position the person with the evil boi in him right on the point and put candles on all of the lines. Just use some dank ass incense to lure the spirit out then remind it that they’ll either fail some classes or graduate late. That’ll be sure to spook ‘em.

3.) The Diner:
Imagine this: your friend is possessed by a demon. The diner is closed and empty, so you and your crew break in to use it as a place to suck the demon out and send it on its way. You sneak a shaman in to bless the diner and place good juju on your impacted friend. So you rattle off as much Latin as you know and the spirit pulls out of their body to go on its way. Now you have a blessed diner and a shit ton of leftovers. That’s a solid night.

2.) The Flower M:
No better way to show school spirit than to perform a ritual on a bed of flowers representing the first letter of your state’s name. Strap the possessed person into a chair on the tip of the M, make sure the flowers aren’t set ablaze by your candles and let a church official spew religious phrases at the demon. Spray the flowers with holy water for shits and giggles. It should be a fun time.

1.) The Chapel:
What a quality spot to banish evil spirits! Make sure you incapacitate your homie for this one because the spirit would fight to keep them out of the building if they were conscious. Set it all up nice and pretty so God isn’t pissed at you, then hit up your local deacon to bless the process. Good luck with that demon because it’ll be fuckin’ angry that they’re in the chapel. But the process should be harsh and swift, so it’s whatever.

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