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Breaking News: A Sad Clown To Open At Art Attack 2018

In light of the upcoming spring concert event at the University of Maryland known as “Art Attack,” Student Entertainment Events (SEE) announces that a local sad clown will come to open for Vince Staples and Lil Yachty.

A total change of pace from a typical musical concert, the sad clown will reportedly perform empathetic comedy in the typical clown fashion. Stunts like “Unfortunate Juggle Fails,” “Intentional Animal Balloon Popping,” “Doomed Unicycle Mishaps” and “Wacky Squirting Flower Incidents” are all to feature during the opening performance.

The idea of hiring a sad clown was originally intended to “create a sense of depression in the room,” an unnamed SEE representative told The Black Sheep. “We want everyone in the stadium to be in a total state of misery and sadness when Vince comes on,” they stated. “When they see him, they’ll all experience a massive emotional shift. That would be incredible, right?”

The sad clown is said to be from local PG County and charges extra for “extra sadness.” It is believed that the clown is make poverty jokes and mention real life misfortunes on occasion to drive home the empathetic performance. Only one testimonial of the assumed clown was found, but the person died of sadness soon after the performance.

“I’m in love with the idea,” an anonymous student voiced to The Black Sheep. “I’ve always wanted to feel bad for someone just before I experience a fantastic performance, but I never expected to have this wish granted at Art Attack.”

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We asked for more from this student about what makes this opener different from the rest.

“Honestly, Art Attack’s always been kind of depressing and this year I can finally experience empathy for someone other than me,” they said. “I heard they were going to have a dying goose in a cage or seeing someone get a lot of money taken from them in taxes, but this definitely takes the cake.”

Without much further thought, Art Attack is certainly one of the more highly anticipated events during the school year and is sure to live up to its hype as Vince Staples and Lil Yachty are set to create an electricity in the Xfinity Center. Sad clown or not, Art Attack 2018 will be one event any UMD student can’t miss.


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