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BREAKING: Wallace Loh To Release Christmas Album

Winter break is just around the corner, and if there’s one thing that gets Terps excited for the holiday season, it’s holiday music. Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You” is already in the top ten chart in the iTunes store, and December just started.

In anticipation for the holiday season, an insider for The Black Sheep informed us about an upcoming project from University of Maryland president, Wallace Loh.

Allegedly, Loh hasn’t felt appreciated this year after backlash from students over differential tuition, the lack of class seats for upper level computer science classes, DOTS being assholes, the UMPD not being able to catch petty crimes and the food in the Diner being “worse than ever.”

Our insider told us that in order to reclaim some popularity, Wally had decided to release a “dank-ass Christmas that all the millennials will love.”

Curious as to the details of this Christmas album, The Black Sheep decided to contact a close colleague of Wally in order to get more details. We ended up emailing many of his associates, members of the university that work in close proximity to him. None of them, however, cared to comment on the album.

All hope seemed lost until we received an email from his secretary agreeing to answer several questions about the album.

“He’s not a terrible singer,” she said. “But then again, I’m not a terrible chef, but you don’t see me going around releasing cook books.”

We went on to ask her about the inspiration behind the album.

“Dr. Loh took a lot inspiration from these memes that all you millennials seem obsessed with,” she said. “I remember last month he was raving about how if he increased his ‘memeability’ it would ‘surely’ increase his popularity.”

“You know, he has one song off the album called ‘Rudolph the Dabless Reindeer’…it’s not a very good name for a song, and I told him that,” she explained. “But he kept raving on about ‘millennials and their fidget devices and their memes.'”

We later inquired about how Dr. Loh managed to fund the album. However, she wished to end the interview at this point, not wanting to “get fired for slander.”

We tried to contact Loh himself. However, he declined to make a statement regarding the topic.


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