After years of paying for tuition, books, room and board, tech fees, DOTS, and who knows what else, seniors can’t wait to get out of College park. But worry not! UMD has one last money-sucking scheme up its sleeve before you’re free: graduation regalia. We can all agree that $130 is a bit too much to pay for that ridiculous-looking ensemble you’ll literally only wear once. That’s why, as a parting gift to all graduating seniors, The Black Sheep is sharing some thrifty, alternative methods for acquiring regalia.
5.) Dumpster Diving:
Ever taken a close look at those grad robes? The material is thin, black, and feels like plastic. Why not skip the pretense and simply use an actual trash bag? All you have to do is cut out arm and head holes and you’ll fit right in on Commencement Day! If you really want to be green, toss it in the recycling bin once you’ve walked.
4.) Rob from the Rich, Give to Your Poor Self:
After four years of school, you’ve probably made some enemies. Why not enact your revenge by stealing their regalia? It’s the perfect crime, because there’s no way they can find their own robes in a crowd. All the sets of regalia are identical! Bonus points if they’re graduating early and way too smug about it. People like that don’t even deserve to walk, right?
3.) Back-Alley Bargaining:
Little-known fact: approximately 98.57% of alumni are desperate to ditch their regalia. Shamelessly use this to your advantage and bargain like a hipster in a thrift store. Too poor even for their reduced prices? Offer them something else in exchange, like a car wash, or a free house-cleaning, or a sponge bath. It’s not like you’ve found a job yet anyway.
2.) Sharing is Caring:
The robes are surprisingly baggy, so why not take advantage of that? Get a (preferably skinny) friend and wear one set of regalia at the same time! Pass yourselves off as either one fat person or a very tall man once commencement begins and then wriggle out when it’s your time to walk. If anyone notices, claim that you’re UMD’s first conjoined twin graduates. They’ll probably give you an extra award.
1.) You’re a wizard, Harry:
The Wizarding World of Harry Potter sells robes for $99.95. UMD’s full graduation regalia goes for $130. The answer, then, is obvious; buy Hogwarts robes and wear them to commencement. There’s really no downside to this. It saves you $30 and gives you an excuse to buy Hogwarts robes, which we know you’re always looking for.) Just don’t cross the Quidditch team. They’re very protective of their territory as the top Potter fans on campus, and they WILL fight you.