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Following Soaring Profits of Differential Tuition, UMD To Introduce ‘Tuition Prime Plus’

According to an insider for The Black Sheep, it would appear that University of Maryland President Wallace “The Wall Man” Loh is very strapped for cash following a poor investment in a new cryptocurrency, “differential tuition coin.”

In order to combat this, he and a board of executives are planning to introduce a new tuition plan for wealthier UMD students.This new tuition plan will be known as Tuition Prime Plus.

Tuition Prime Plus (TPP) is a payment plan where students can pay an increased premium in their tuition. The cost will be about $55,000 per semester if they’re in state; $120,000 if they’re out of state.

Although this plan is completely optional, students who choose to participate in TPP will be introduced to new premium services.

The first main perk of TPP is that all students will be allowed five absences per class, completely excused.

The second main perk of TPP is that students will be allowed to turn any assignment in up to three days late without penalty.

The third main perk of TPP is that students will have access to “Dining Prime Go, a new dining plan that allows students to eat gourmet food (and take it out) for an unlimited number of times per day.

The fourth and final perk of TPP is “Extra Curvy,” which gives students a 2.5% curve in every class taken.

The plan has caused much controversy, with the Terps for Bernie club sponsoring a protest outside of McKeldin Mall.

A anonymous member of the protest commented, claiming, “Yeah it’s helping discriminate between the top tenth of one percent of students and the rest of us.”

However, the plan has also received some praise from other groups, with the Bougie Terps Club expressing much praise for the plan.

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