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How to Have Fun at a UMD Basketball Game Even Though We Might Not Win

It’s the most wonderful time of the year in College Park: basketball season. Whether you’re a freshman or a fifth-year, this step-by-step guide will help you get rowdy enough to cheer on our boys this weekend, even if we lose!

Step One- Choose An Outfit:
Before you start knockin’ back those Natty’s, it’s a good idea to get dressed. When choosing an outfit for the game, consider the following questions. For the ladies: Would this outfit make your dad cry? And for the gents: Would this outfit make Daddy Loh proud? If the answer is yes, then you’ve picked a winner!

Step Two- Commence Drinking:
Fuck the gold code, drinking on an empty stomach saves you money, alcohol, and time. Plus, drinking approximately three beers is the nutritional equivalent to eating an entire loaf of bread, and it’s definitely carb-loading szn. Also, when you hurl all over the hot girl next to you, she’ll probably be grateful you didn’t have any food in your stomach.

Step Three- Transport Yourself To Xfinity Center:
Here’s where it gets tricky. If you’re walking from a far distance, perhaps consider taking the bus. There will be many more opportunities to scout for babes in tiny Terp shirts, and maybe if you’re standing up, you won’t get sleepy. If you must walk over the river and through the woods to Xfinity, we suggest you pace yourself. The hill to the student entrance is a bigger bitch than your mom.

Step Four- Get Those Good Student Section Seats:
Selecting the perfect seats is crucial to your enjoyment of the game. If you can’t see the sweat on Kevin Huerter’s biceps, then you’re not gonna have a great time. Furthermore, if you’re too lazy to walk all the way to the bottom of the student section, then you don’t deserve to be a Terp. Terps far braver than you have taken the drunk stumble down and back up those stairs to pee fifty times, so step your shit up.

Step Five- Snap That ‘Gram Pic:
Go ahead, throw up those hand gestures. Get the whole squad together for this one. Make sure you get candids, too. How else will your followers know you have friends? Oh, and make sure you post up between the hours of 6 p.m and 11 p.m., otherwise your like count will suffer. And make sure to get some edits up in this bitch, or people might see those purple bags under your eyes. 

Step Six- Miscellaneous Drunk Activities:
At some point you’ll have to break the seal. Once you reach the top of the stairs, you’ll probably be dry-heaving. If you manage to find the bathroom, then congratulations, buddy. If you don’t drop your phone in the toilet or put your pants on backwards, you might make it out of here okay. Next challenge: remembering what section you were in and trekking down the 597 steps between you and your friends.

Step Seven- Get Rowdy:
Finally. Time to get back to your seat and support the boys. Feel the energy of the crowd, and let it fill you with Maryland pride. Ahh. Nice isn’t it? Oh, and don’t forget to fucking pop off when they roll the flag down. Being a Terp is a privilege that only a small percentage of the world receives, so you best take advantage of it while you can.


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