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Very Hungover Terp TOTALLY Remembers Maryland’s Narrow Loss to Xavier


Following yesterday’s 65-76 defeat by Xavier, very hungover sophomore Terry Greymartin “totally remembers” the game.


“Melo was in the game, definitely,” Greymartin whispered, sipping delicately from his Nalgene bottle. “I remember, he got the ball on the wing and was driving and then Todd asked me to do another shot of Fireball with him. Can’t believe we…actually, can you hold on a second?”

A few taps on his cellphone later, the sophomore continued, “we lost, just like I said.”

Many who watched the game with Greymartin question the veracity of his memory.

“Dude played pong the entire second half, man,” roommate Reggie Tramark scoffed, “he’d shout about scoring a cup at like, the least opportune time. It made it really hard to watch the game. Well, that and the 15 beers.”

Though the game was competitive throughout, Xavier pulled away late in the second half, sealing Maryland’s fate.

“Listen, we had our chances,” Greymartin said, “they play 2 20-minute halves, and each team is allocated the same amount of time outs, especially in this game. These are facts and no one disputes this. And because of these facts, Maryland lost, there’s no point in us crying over it. But, speaking of crying, can you turn the lights down, man? It’s like, really fuckin’ bright in here.”




WATCH: For some, spring break is about partying on the beach. For others, it’s about wallowing in despair:





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