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An Obituary For The End of The UMD Football Season

Another season has come and gone for the fearless Terps. There may be a few more games left this season but let’s be honest, there’s no chance Maryland is going to win. The next two games are against Michigan State and Penn State, so basically, the season is over. After the team moved on to their fourth quarterback of the season, most people were ready to give in. Yet UMD football kept fighting, or at least trying to fight. In respect to the fallen footballers, The Black Sheep has prepared a eulogy for the 2k17 season.

The Maryland Terps were a great team. Dearly loved by, like, almost half the school, they brought joy to the people around them. Not only did they routinely give people a legitimate reason to day drink, but they did it in style. Although they came from humble beginnings with a million injuries, and the the loss of all of the quarterbacks, they persevered and won way more games than anyone was expecting.

Born from dear old Daddy Durkin, the Terps fought through many hardships this year. They lost not one, not two, but three quarterbacks to torn ACLs and other injuries. Good thing quarterbacks aren’t too important to the game.

Despite literally all of the players sitting on the bench instead of playing the game, they were able to pull out a win against Texas. You know the players were more surprised than anyone honestly.

This win bolstered their spirits and led them to even greater heights. Not only did they triumph over Minnesota, but they curb stomped Towson into submission. Yet, this is when the trouble began.

One fateful day the Terps travelled to distant New Jersey to play Rutgers. There, in the land of not-New-York, they fell to the armpit of the Big Ten. Unfortunately, this was the start of an epic crash and burn rivalling that of Britney mid-2007.

Their fall from grace, or at least fall from slightly higher expectations than absolute garbage, only got worse this past weekend. Though spirits were not high going into the game against Michigan, a small hope still flickered in the Terrapin locker room, even though there were by far more people tailgating for Michigan. Seriously, it looked like the entirety of their campus came down to watch UMD get destroyed. It was sad.

Nonetheless, the Terps went out and did their very best, which turned out to be not even close to enough. They lost 35-10. So rest in peace to the 2017 football season. You tried.

But fear not fellow Terps, for your time has come. Basketball season is finally here and you can finally go back to actually talking shit to people. Best yet, we already beat Butler, so essentially we’re already the best.

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