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Opinion: There Are Just TOO Many Service Dogs At UMD

As spring rapidly approaches, you may find some changes going on around UMD’s campus. A few of these changes include sleepy frat boys awakening from winter hibernation, large construction projects that block every path of travel and the increase of service dogs on campus. They’re everywhere, and so are their tiny little piles of poop. 

You can spot these pups taking obedience lessons from their trainers on the mall, or waiting at the Health Center for head scratches from an eager line of students. Residence halls, campus clubs and fraternities and sororities alike have even started creating events featuring these doggos.

As busy and overworked as they are, UMD service dogs will probably soon demand President Loh to pay them for their services in the form of Milkbones and Pupperoni. It’s a wonderful thing to be surrounded by adorable fur babies, but their recent presence has undoubtedly caused some issues around UMD.

For starters, when a service dog is seen on a casual walk, students whip out their phones to Snapchat the moment and sprint over to them like they do when it’s chicken tender day at 251. They swarm the owner and post so many “good boy” snaps that soon enough, Snapchat is gonna drop all Terps from its servers. That shit is ridiculous.

This behavior has created large mobs of people on sidewalks, which impede the natural flow of traffic. Professors finally started complaining that nearly half their class is absent, late, or arriving to lecture covered in dog hair. It’s like, you put a dog in front of a college girl and she forgets her age. Her real age, not the age on her fake ID.

We won’t even mention the angry sentiments expressed by the service dogs’ owners. They actually have places to be while y’all are taking 50,000 Instagram selfies with Spot the black lab, who actually looks *EVEN* cuter with the dog filter on Snapchat. Puppies are cool and all, but so is like, personal space, and respect for other people’s time. Act right the next time you see a pup on campus, Terps.

 

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