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Spring is Back, and So Is Random D-Bag #6 Covering Wonderwall at McKeldin

Contrary to what the environment is projecting, spring is here… somehow. UMD students can look forward to so many things, from shorts to dying from heat exhaustion (if you live in a freshman dorm). Once warm weather hits UMD, the mall populates faster than North Campus Dining Hall when they actually have chicken tenders. Among these people on the mall are a plethora of dudes serenading the poor people walking by with songs that no one asked for.

Among these dudes, Random Douchebag #6 is the most famous. He’s the kinda dude that brings out a four-figure guitar that his dad bought for him and literally will only play Wonderwall by Oasis. However, Random Douchebag #6 is nowhere near as bad as his successor: Random Douchebag #7. This is the kinda dude that brings his eight-string electric guitar and does shitty Black Sabbath covers.

Random Douchebag #8 is literally the whitest dude, and he does reggae covers with a sub-standard pseudo-Jamaican accent. Random Douchebag #9 doesn’t even play songs; he just walks around with the guitar and tells anyone that walks by “hey, wassup I play guitar.”

Along with the aforementioned unpleasantries, we can all look forward to social activists and whatnot. It’s all fun and games until you’re two minutes from being late to a midterm, and some weirdo with a sign comes up to you and says: “hey wassup, do you love the environment?” And at that point they got you, because you can’t say no; otherwise you’ll look like a terrible person. You can’t walk away either, ’cause you’ll look like a huge prick.

Hammock season is also back, which means you’ll walk around campus seeing relaxed, smiling people laying in their hammocks without a care in the world, and you’ll think to yourself that you should try that some time, but you never end up trying it because you have sooo much work and literally have no idea how anyone can make time for setting up and resting on a hammock.

Know anyone at one of these schools? Refer a friend for a marketing job, get $100 if they’re hired! 




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