At a university where 35,000 students walk around campus every day, you would think that no one person would stand out from the rest. But here at UMD, rather than faces standing out in the crowd, groups do. You thought you were safe walking out your door everyday knowing that no one would care what you’re wearing, but nope. The rest of the Terrapin population is there to creep and judge. Assumptions WILL be made. The Black Sheep decided to go on a nice stroll down McKeldin Mall and test out the common labels. What we found is astonishing and tragically unoriginal.
Excess of UMD Spirit Clothing:
Looks Like: Testudo manifested into cotton.
Feels Like: You showered in UMD bath bomb.
Best Complimented With: Shapes of red, black, yellow, and white or the Maryland flag.
“I just need everyone to know that I go to Maryland.”
“Are we going to a game today? Is that why I get to dress up?!”
“I’m going to wear this shirt everyday for the rest of my life.”
“Is the ball cap too much?”
“When are we going to start singing the fight song?”
Typical Inhabitants: Often confused beings in herds of eight or nine. However many it takes to consume the entire width of the sidewalk.
Looks Like: A failed attempt to feel like a tough man that wears pink.
Feels Like: Hazing week mixed with a tinge of embarrassment and minor loss of integrity.
Best Complimented With: Anything with collar along with some boating shoes.
“Am I frat yet?”
“We could totally get into a party with a pair of these.”
“I think I’m already wasted just wearing them.”
“How did I get into these shorts?”
Typical Inhabitants: Usually intoxicated creatures of the night. Very rarely seen during the day. Common companions include Natty Light and other salmon shorts wearers.
Conclusion: Frat boy
Looks Like: A bundle of red happiness.
Feels Like: You can complete three marathons in one day.
Best Complimented With: Gatorade water bottles and “Fear the Turtle” t-shirt.
“Whoa, I feel like a god.”
“Do I look like Dez Wells yet?”
*starts talking about self in sports announcer voice*
“ESPN should just do a cover story on me right now. With this backpack. And I’ll dedicate my success to the power of the backpack.”
Typical Inhabitants: Those who appear to have the most sculpted bodies on earth. Calves are usually abnormally larger than normal calves made from campus hills and are most commonly seen in packs of three or four, all adorning red backpacks.
Though there are many more common fashions to watch out for, these are the most common and dangerous. The freshmen will raise your temper when trying to get past them on the way to class. They may or may not force you to question whether you need anger management classes or should just scream at all of them in your way. Fraternity boys will most likely make you roll your eyes in disgust and go into tangent about today’s collegiate society (differs based on personal preference). Finally, athletes will hypnotize you and before you know it you will be reprimanding yourself for the glares and whispers they’re throwing your way after you realized you followed them halfway across campus. These descriptions are for your own safety; use this knowledge wisely and you may be able to rise above any rash reactions.