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The 5 Best UMD Alerts of the Past Year


Don’t you just love when your phone vibrates and you get excited, thinking it’s a text from a friend, but it turns out it’s actually a UMD Alert letting you know all the latest, craziest stuff going down in College Park? Us too. Let’s be real here: College Park is a strange place, and we have no idea how the UMPD manage to keep a straight face while reporting on some of the things that happen around town. We gone ahead and compiled a list of some of the strangest and most interesting alerts from the last year:


5.) The McKeldin Men’s Bathroom Voyeur:



The bathroom is normally a private place, where you can simply sit back, drop a deuce, and scroll through Twitter. However, last May, one UMD student was doing just that in McKeldin that when he noticed a camera being held above him. After what we can only assume was at least the third most heated confrontation to ever occur in one of McKeldin’s men’s bathrooms, the victim let the suspect leave.


4) Indecent Exposure: Workout Edition:




Aside from the fact that they require you to wake up before noon, early morning workouts can be a refreshing start to your day. An early-rising female UMD student was working out on a September morning near Tawes, when she heard noises behind her, and when she turned around, she was faced with a naked male. Not to be deterred by anything, the male attempted to work out with and talk to her until she called the police. We wouldn’t be able to bare this either.


3) Drive-By BB Gun Shooting:



We thought drive-by shootings were a thing that happened in action movies and bad parts of town, not our campus. But sure enough, this past November, two students reported being shot with BB pellets by a car driving around in two separate locations. It turned out they were two freshman football players. We’re not sure why they thought this was a good idea in any way, but it was probably because they were two freshman football players.


2) Clown Sightings:



Remember when the entire country was on high alert because of… clowns? Ah, yes. What a terrible threat they were. 2016 was a weird year, guys. Just before Halloween last October, our faithful UMD Alerts sent out a friendly reminder to students informing them that the clowns were a hoax. There was a noticeable decrease in the number of clown costumes seen around College Park that Halloweekend.


1) Elkton Bears:



We know what you’re thinking: “Bears? Don’t those belong in the woods?” Apparently not. Last June, two bears were spotted near Elkton Hall on North Campus. The faithful scribe behind UMD Alerts sent out a helpful list of bear safety tips, because now we apparently have to watch out for bears in addition to naked men, voyeurs, shooters, and clowns. File this under: things we never thought we would need to know when living in College Park.


In a city filled with thousands of college students, you learn to expect strange things, but College Park is a different world of its own.


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