It’s still warm enough in Maryland to lay out on the mall, have endless darties, and have hammocks set up in only the most prime locations on campus. If you don’t already own a hammock, you’re missing out. But if you do, The Black Sheep has done you a favor and compiled the best locations to ‘mock into a list:
6.) The Trees in Front of Hagerstown:
If you’re a freshman, or some poor sophomore who got the short end of the housing stick (AKA got put on North Campus), this is the perfect spot to escape from your shitty roommate and hammock away. Your senses will be awash in the scent of weed and the occasional wave of sweaty, un-airconditioned bodies.
5.) The La Plata Beach Sand Volleyball Court:
Not attractive or rich enough to go on a frat’s away weekend this season? No worries! All the beach you need can be found at La Plata, as you hang your hammock between what could be two possibly vigorous games of volleyball. Watch your head. Pro tip: sand in a hammock hurts.
4.) That One Dirt Patch by North Campus Diner:
Looking for the attention of dozens of people as you try to string your hammock up around a tree skinnier than the average five-year-old? These tiny trees will (usually) do the trick. You may hang so low that your butt is on the ground, but that makes it easier to roll out of it to go get a quick, gross snack in the diner.
3.) The Trees in Front of Eppley:
Hanging up your hammock 50 yards from the door of Eppley is probably the closest you’ve been to the gym all semester, you lazy bastard. It’s okay though, because hanging up a hammock and then trying to get into it is enough of a workout. We may or may not have worked up a sweat getting into the hammock ourselves.
2.) The Railings at Stamp:
If you’ve ever woken up thinking, “Hey, today I want to be a dick and get in the way of other people’s productivity,” then this is the spot for you. People will have to go out of their way to avoid you, and may just step over you completely if you’re pissing them off enough. At least the food court in Stamp is only steps away!
1.) The Bottom of McKeldin Mall:
You know we had to include somewhere on the Mall. After all, you haven’t really hammocked at UMD if you haven’t been on the mall. It’s picturesque and shady, the kind of scene that makes you think that this is what college should be like every day. Shame it’s usually just a hellscape of pain. But hey, students can dream.