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Top 7 UMD Basketball Players Ranked By a Guy Who’s Never Been to a Sporting Event

If there’s one thing Terps love more than giving offerings to our beloved Testudo statue and having reliable Wi-Fi, it’s our basketball team. To help get you in the mindset, The Black Sheep decided to ask super-senior Jeff, a computer science major, who’s never gone to a UMD sporting event, to give us a ranking (along with his commentary) of his top seven UMD basketball players.

7.) Jake Layman:

Yeah, he’s pretty good from what I hear. I remember a while back that a friend of mine said something about him definitely going to the NFL, or something like that. My sister always used to talk about him; although it was usually about his hair.

6.) Melo Trimble:

So, I don’t actually know anything about this guy, but sophomore year, me and my roommate saw him in the diner a day before one of the games. My roommate was like “Hey Melo… you gonna be at the game tomorrow?” And then he walked away without saying anything.

5.) Mark Sturgeon:

I’m always hearing stuff about his talent, or him finding talent or something. I don’t know what that means but I’m gonna assume that means he’s good.

4.) Testudo:

I think whoever willingly chooses to stand inside a turtle suit for like three hours has to be awesome. And sure, he’s not a ‘player’ per say, but I’m running out of names that I know. 

3.) Anthony Cowan:

I kinda just Googled who has the most points per game, and this dude’s name popped up. So yeah, he’s great, I guess, as long as whichever team scores the most points wins the game.

2) Kaila Charles:

One of my friends follows the women’s basketball team, and he said she’s really good. Also, I literally only know one other Maryland player. 

1) D.J. Turner:

My old roommate would always blast Maryland games on the TV. I’ve heard his name several times, but I literally don’t know anything about him. I’m sure he’s a good basketball player though. After all, even I know his name.

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