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Top 7 Weather Gods To Pray To For Actual Spring At UMD

So, like, it’s spring, right? Cause it sure as hell don’t feel like it. Perhaps our current climate is a result of years of human interference with the greenhouse gas emissions and can only be fixed with years of global effort? Nah, jk praying to a god will probably fix the weather. Here’s seven gods that you can pray to right at home in your dorm room.

7.) Thor:
Thor, Norse god of thunder. He’s not actually a spring god, but he’s played by Chris Hemsworth, and that has to be worth at least something. Also, on second thought, he’s also probably dealing with infinity war, coming to theaters April 23. (Note: The Black Sheep is not at all sponsored by the MCU, we’re just fans.)

6) Chaac:
The Mayan god of rain may seem like a strange choice, but a former classics major and insider for The Black Sheep that took CLAS107 said that there may be a way to do a reverse Mayan rain ritual of some sorts, “or something like that, I don’t know,” to bring sunshine.

5.) Apollo:
Apollo is the Greek god of the sun… and music, poetry, art, oracles, archery, plague, medicine, and knowledge. Jeez, some resume. So, you might as well pray to him for everything. For real, fuck spring, get that dude to cure all diseases.

4.) Zeus:
A quick Wikipedia search reveals that Zeus is also known as the sky god, so I suppose you could pray to him for spring, but anyone who’s ever read a Greek mythology knows that Zeus is a straight up fuckboi. So, pray at your own risk.

3.) Viridios:
My boi Viridios here is the god of agriculture. Spring means plants, which is basically what agriculture is, right? Pray to my man Viridios, and you’re sure to have those cool spring vibes.

2.) Horus:
Horus is the Egyptian sun god. Cleopatra had the sickest tan past the Nile, so you for sure that Horus was blessing them Egyptians with some sick rays of sun.

1.) Testudo:
Our divine terrapin’s grace is boundless. Testudo will grant your deepest desires. Just make a sacrifice tribute blood-offering gift to the terrific turtle of trepidation, and all of your dreams will come true.

Whoever your favorite weather god is, just make sure you pray because spring is extremely late here and it’s not cool.

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