Here at Miami, every day is a great day to be a Redhawk (except finals week, then let’s be Bobcats, it’ll be much less painful). But one of the best days to be a Redhawk is Halloween. Shots will be pouring, costumes will be tearing, drunken tears will be shedding, and all in the name of Love and Honor. But why should the students get to have all the fun? Here’s a list of some of Miami’s notorious buildings and how they’d get dressed up, to get messed up.
Armstrong — Sexy Cat:
“OMG can we go to Armstrong for (insert meal here)” says, literally, everyone. Can you say basic? Everyone goes there at least once throughout their day, just like at least one in in every…well one… basic broad will throw on the cat ears and the tight black skirt at least once in their Halloween careers. Armstrong might even show a little extra cleavage in case its seductively greasy mozzarella sticks don’t leave you begging for its treats.
Farmer — Risky Business:
Low risk, high reward. Can you expect anything different from this full time alcoholic, part time capitalist? It’s easy because it doesn’t have time to pick out a creative outfit when its job is torturing students 24/7. Throw on some boxers, a blazer and an $100 pair of sunglasses and Farmer is ready to conquer his next venture (no business this time, just pleasure).
Art building — Zombie:
Never noticed this one on campus? Well you will Saturday when the Art Building walks into brick with enough fake blood and face paint to scare the bouncer into giving it a wristband. This building is that guy the one you take one look at and shutter at the possibility that he may have actually been slaughtered and had come back from the dead during the pregame. One thing’s for sure — the Art Building isn’t getting laid (except maybe by Bachelor, who’s read enough zombie fan fiction to be more intrigued than terrified).
Bachelor Hall — Harry Potter:
“Yer a wizard, Bachelor” he says to himself as he takes his tenth shot of courage. Maybe if his scar is positioned just right, he will cast a spell and someone will actually be enchanted by his advanced knowledge of discourse theory and the ideology of the fantasy genre. If not, he will probably just fall off a table trying to apparate… again.
Benton Hall — Nothing:
Benton assigned itself 350 chapters of reading for a three hour exam the following Monday so it would have another valid excuse of hiding from the outside world. It’s not that it’s afraid of the “others” it just has more important things to do, like solve circuits and stress eat. Getting laid by Armstrong isn’t even on the agenda; after all he’s probably got all the toys he could want in there (the vibrator was engineered by somebody right!?)
In the name of all that is freaky, Happy Halloween everybody.