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The 6 DON’Ts of Green Beer Day

Green Beer Day. It seems fairly straightforward, right? Wear green. Drink beer. Go hard all the livelong day. But those of us who have experienced this glorious holiday can tell you it’s not that simple. We’d really love for you to learn from our mistakes, rather than from your own experience, so The Black Sheep proudly presents: What Not To Do on Green Beer Day.

 

DON’T: Show up late to the first party.
Unless you’re really into warm mimosas and soggy eggs — then by all means, roll in at 4a.m. and go nuts. If you make up the other 99% of the student body, do yourself a favor and get there relatively early. Don’t get your hopes up about the eggs though, they’ll probably still suck. 

 

DON’T: Go uptown if you’re under 21.
The Oxford police can smell fear. They also can tell the difference between a real ID and one with your face poorly photoshopped onto it, and will happily trade you for a luxurious one-night-stay at the Butler County Jail. Luckily, there’s no shortage of house parties, so just go to those instead. That’s where all the free drinks are anyway.

 

DON’T: Nap for too long.
“The Nap” is an integral part of any successful Green Beer Day experience; your body needs to recover some of the shut-eye you missed out on that morning. However, “The Nap” can quickly turn into “The Next Morning” if you aren’t careful. Set an alarm. Actually, set like seven alarms. Make sure there is no conceivable way that your drunk alter-ego could possibly sleep through the afternoon, because everyone knows that’s the best part of the day. 

 

DON’T: Skip class.
Unless your professor doesn’t care, in which case you should totally skip class. But if you’re like me and you have to give a full-blown presentation, or God forbid take a midterm: suck it up and go. You can get right back out there as soon as it’s over, and there will probably even be shots waiting for you out of pity. Take full advantage of said pity and the alcohol it produces. You earned it. 

 

DON’T: Ignore the weather forecast.
As of now, Thursday is supposed to be cloudy, with temps ranging from 37 to 46 degrees. But go inside any sweaty, overcrowded annex house, and you won’t be able to tell which Miami you go to anymore. The solution? Layers. Whether you throw on an old jacket over a “Just Drink It” tee, or sport a tank top under your Fratagonia sweatshirt, you’ll be happy that you dressed for the weather. Plus you’ll have something to wear if someone accidentally knocks you down and spills an entire bottle of Hawaiian Punch on your shirt.

 

Hypothetically, of course. 

 

DON’T Forget to take pictures.
Sure, it’s easy to get caught up in whatever unnecessarily hostile game of Boom is going on at the time, but remember to snap some pics when you come up for air. You’ll want something to remember these incredible college years by when you’re older, and to let your grandkids know just how hard you raged when you still had your real hip. Plus they’ll probably be the only way to figure out how you fell asleep on your freshman year roommate’s couch, and why you woke up spooning a barbacoa burrito. You don’t even like barbacoa.

 

Green Beer Day isn’t just a day for wearing shamrock paraphernalia and acting like a degenerate, it’s a day for everyone in our 7 square miles of heaven to come together as a community. Whether you’re a Greek, a GDI, a townie, or even a professor, we’re all here for the same reason: to enjoy the laughs, the tradition, and of course, the green beer ♣ 

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