MSU’s Board of Trustees unanimously voted for John Engler, the former governor of Michigan, to become MSU’s interim president on Wednesday. Engler comes to MSU’s aid during these recent tough times, and he seemingly looks ready. He also looks like some of the following people:
8.) Mr. Carson, the butler from Downton Abbey:
One of the best characters on the successful PBS show, John Engler looks a ton like Mr. Carson. Engler just needs a tailcoat, a platter, and an interesting character arc and he’d totally pull it off, Too bad it seems like he’ll be just a one-off character that came in during the middle of a season.
7.) A slightly rotted corpse:
John Engler has all the physical characteristics of a corpse that has been decomposing for a few days. He’s got some soulless eyes, sunken in jowls, just horribly wrinkled skin, and just by looking at him, we can tell he smells a bit funky. But honestly, a corpse sounds like an appropriate replacement for Lou Anna K. Simon.
6.) Alfred Hitchcock:
Our new interim president looks a lot like Alfred Hitchcock, one of the most influential film directors of all time. Will John Engler be able to direct MSU as well Hitchcock directs his movies? It’s hard to know, he’s most likely for The Birds and is a Psycho.
5.) The guy in the Board of Trustees’ pocket:
Not many people get made president of a university unanimously by a politically split Board. Engler must be really good friends with them all, then! There obviously aren’t any politics going on here, but, just saying, he really does look like that one guy in the Board’s pocket. It’s almost uncanny.
4.) Your great uncle you avoid at family parties:
There’s always that great uncle that just wants to make you talk about politics just so he can tell you you’re wrong. John Engler looks like he fits that to a T. He’s probably just waiting for the moment to talk to a student at MSU and tell them all about this news story he heard on Fox News or to tell them how they need to get off their phones.
3.) That Michigan governor who failed to make DOW Chemical clean up their dumping of Dioxin in a river:
The Tittabawassee River is still affected by this chemical dumping. Over nine times the legal limit of Dioxin was dumped in that river, and the governor at the time failed to come up with a consent order to make DOW chemical clean it up. And that governor looks strangely like John Engler… Better keep him away from the Red Cedar.
2.) A Mix of Statler and Waldorf:
Have you ever wondered what those two wise-cracking old guy Muppets would look like combined? Well, look no further! John Engler has the hair and nose of Statler, and the eyes and face shape of Waldorf. He doesn’t look half bad… but he does actually look all bad! Ohohohohohoho!
1.) Someone who stopped the US Justice Department from investigating sexual assault reports in two Michigan female prisons:
Yeah, come to think of it, John Engler really looks like someone who actually did that. You would think MSU would pick someone to be in charge who knows how to handle sexual assault cases after the handling of the Nassar case. Guess not.
No matter who you think he looks like, there’s one thing we can all agree on: he does not look like president material.
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