8 Uniquely Spartan Walks of Shame

author-pic at Michigan State University  

With welcome week officially over, Spartans can now revel and bond in the various walks of shame they have trekked in the past few weeks. Whether your night ended in vomit or at Club Lib, we at The Black Sheep have a walk you have walked.

8.) The Walk in the Lecture Late Holding Starbucks:
There is nothing more telling than when you stroll into your lecture ten minutes late, reeking of coffee, all hunched over to hide your vanilla bean Frappuccino, as if somehow you can shield your coffee from judgement. Not only is the judgment about your poorly concealed ice cream treat, it’s also that you waited in that insane Wells line.

7.) The Walk from Your Dorm Room to the Public Trash Can Carrying a Bag of Your Own Vomit:
You had a rough night, but nothing will make a rougher morning than walking out to the nearest public trash can, past all of your floor mates, carrying a literal bag of your own puke. You smell like the not one, not two, but four Long Islands you downed last night, and you have a couch cushion seam tattooed across you face. Nice.

6.) The Walk Anywhere from East Neighborhood:
If you ended up in the corner wasteland of campus, walking anywhere is a walk of shame. People look at you and think “ew, why are they coming from East? They probably smell like the year 1983.”

5.) The Walk Away from Sparty’s When You Tried to Combo on a Sunday:
We’ve all done it, but the epitome of embarrassment is marching up to that counter on Sunday night, setting down your apple juice, burrito, and granola bar and getting turned away. You can try and hide your face as you walk out of that Sparty’s utterly rejected and empty handed, but we all know what you just tried to do. The worst part is you have to go back tomorrow and hope they still have the good burritos left.

4.) The Walk Down Grand River Carrying the Police Barricade You Stole:
This isn’t a walk of shame—it’s a walk of glory. Strut down Grand River carrying your trophy, you earned it! Of the many East Lansing specific icons to steal, you by far stole the most accessible with the least consequences.

3.) The Walk Down Farm Lane Carrying a Big Ass Coat When its 90 Degrees but It Was Like, 50 When You Left the House:
You know people are staring, wondering why the hell you’re carrying a coat fit for the tundra down Farm Lane while sweat drips down your face and neck. Like, did you even check the weather? No, you didn’t. You got up for your 8 a.m., and it was cold. Silly you assumed it would be cold for the rest of the day as well. Amateur. Do you even Michigan?

2.) The Walk Through the Quiet Section of the Lib When You Just Sat Down but Decided You Don’t Want to Study:
You had high hopes strolling on into the Lib with a pile of books. You were gonna study all night, but you sat down and realized you forgot your laptop charger, or your favorite highlighter, or your dignity. So you get back up after a full three minutes, and everyone on the quiet floor stares at you, and thinks “I’ve won”.

1.) AnYTiMe YoU LeAvE RiCk’S EvEr:
Has a time at Rick’s ever ended well? You started out the night well, then somehow you end up literally on the floor, and the next thing you know, you’ve left Rick’s and somehow ended up making out with some guy in the family planning aisle of CVS. You disaster.

From leaving Rick’s to carrying your vomit, only a Spartan can rock these walks of shame. Next time you’re booking it out of the Lib early or carrying your North Face that doubles as a sleeping bag, just remember that everyone around you is totally judging you.