8 Ways to Smuggle Your Family Pet Into the MSU Dorms

author-pic at Michigan State University  

If there’s one thing we miss about home while we’re away at school, it’s our furry little fluff ball friends that we call pets. The fact that our college won’t let us bring these bundles of joy into the dorms is pure Satanism, so we thought of a few ways to sneak those cuddly (and not so cuddly) buggers in.

8.) Green Bin It:
No matter what size the little cutie is, you could always sneak it in under a pile of shit in one of those green bins MSU provides. Just make sure it can breathe, and there should be no issues at all! The RAs and desk workers are sure to be fake smiling too hard to notice what you’ve got in there, anyway.

 

7.) Put It Up Your Butt:
People smuggle a lot of things this way. You’re no better or different. As long as it’s not a hedgehog or fire ants from your weird fucking ant farm, we think you’ll be okay. It may not be the most comfortable route, but that’s the price you pay for a little piece of home.

 

6.) Burrito That Bitch:
Now, this isn’t only meant for female dogs. Go ahead and wrap any pet that your family owns into a blanket and toss it into a green bin, your backpack, or a Chipotle bag, and you have yourself a pet burrito. Some of your pets may enjoy this, and some may never forgive you, but it’s the price you pay if you want your little friend to live with you at school.

5.) Sock ‘Em:
Have something a little smaller, like a guinea pig, or a rat? Well, this one should be easy. Stuff that tiny sucker into a sock! It may look somewhat like a murder weapon – you know, the whole sock-full-of-quarters thing that you use to beat people senseless? At least they won’t know it’s little Ratatouille in there.

4.) Disguise It as Sparty:
No member of Michigan State’s staff would dare be seen kicking Sparty off school property, so the obvious move is to give your little guy a Spartan helmet and green skirt. Nobody will ask questions! Maybe even move its little arm to fist bump the guy working the front desk. They’ll be none the wiser.

3.) Walk It into the Building Confidently:
The first rule of breaking the rules is to act like you’re doing nothing wrong. Nobody will question your motives if you just walk your miniature poodle in through the front doors on its pink, studded leash and go straight up to your room. You will be admired, not chastised, and you’ll feel super badass. This goes for men and women both.

2.) Pretend It’s a Bun in the Oven:
You may look like you’re carrying a deformed baby, but it’s rude to make comments about a pregnant woman’s stomach, so you should be safe here. Stuff your cat into your shirt and try to look pregnant. Walk in with your hand smack dab on your stomach, and if you’re feeling really risky, go yell at a random boy from your dorm and tell him it’s his baby. Get theatrical. Be a little scary. You’re pregnant, and you can do whatever the hell you want!

1.) Trust Your Pet’s Cuteness:
Sometimes the only way to get away with something is to trust that it will be okay. Whether it’s a dog, cat, armadillo, or pet weasel, just hope that its cuteness will keep your RA from reporting you. Help us, RA, you’re our only hope.

 

We understand that parting with your pet is harder than saying goodbye to your mom, and this is why we want to do all that we can to help. Hopefully, these tricks work for you and you can snuggle your little fluff pal all semester with no questions asked!