Our main source of drunk food and shenanigans, Grand River is flowing with Spartans on any given night of the week. With those shenanigans comes the MSU Police to keep the peace and kill our buzz. If you want to stay clean and keep yourself out of the clink, you may want to avoid doing these things:
Ain’t nobody got time for crosswalks when Noodles and Co. is just across the street and you need to get there this second or you’ll die. That’s the mindset that sends students flying across Grand River without looking both ways. This could get them charged with jaywalking, or more likely, hit by a CATA bus.
7.) Using Your Brother’s Friend’s Cousin’s ID:
Fake IDs are beautiful, until you get caught. You can order a sketchy one online that will never work, or you can find someone that knows someone that kind of looks like you and use their ID that will sometimes work. Either way, you’re chancing a run-in with the fuzz every time you try to get into Rick’s.
6.) Peeing in an Alley:
When you gotta go, you gotta go, but getting caught bare-assed, mid-wiz, in a brick alley with police lights in your face, is not a pretty way to go. We know it’s difficult to hold all that alcohol inside your body, but use the buddy system. Ask your bud if they’ve used the restroom before you leave the bar, tell them to pee behind random houses or dumpsters where police are less present before you get to Grand River, and above all, just keep it in your bladder.
5.) Yelling “Go Blue”:
A classic case of disturbing the peace. This punk is obviously just looking for a fight yelling such obscenities on Grand River. It’s best not to get involved with such unruly citizen;, just step back and let the po-po take care of the rest.
4.) Possession of Low Grade Bud:
Since the decriminalization of marijuana in East Lansing, it’s practically illegal to not be smoking high quality ganja. So technically you have to be 21 and on private property, whatever, those are just details. We all know decriminalization is a gateway term to legalization. So, smoke up and possess on – if it’s the good shit.
3.) Not Finishing Your 12-Taco Pack from Taco Bell:
It’s a crime to purchase a 12-taco pack if your party doesn’t intend to finish said party pack. No one wants to be that guy that gets the police involved, but when you see unfinished tacos, do the right thing – speak up and report these offenders. Those who waste cheese and beef, waste their lives and therefore must be locked up.
2.) Listening to Illegally Downloaded Music:
Did you pay for all that music streaming through your earbuds as you walk down Grand River? If that music was illegally pirated off the internet, you may need to keep your eyes peeled for the feds around every corner. We know it’s hard to listen to the latest from Queen B when you still haven’t downloaded Tidal, but please, pay for your tunes or face the consequences.
1.) Being Drunk and Naked:
This one’s pretty self-explanatory. If you’re of legal age and walking home down Grand River a bit tipsy, a run in with the police will be unfortunate, but not punishable. Being drunk and naked, on the other hand, is a whole different story. Where are your clothes? Where did you come from? What is your name? These are questions you might not be able to answer right now, but wow, you must have had a wild night!
We all go through our little run-ins with the law on Grand River, whether it’s being pulled over for a broken taillight or running around causing a scene with no clothes on. We all make mistakes, so keep your head down, your hands behind your back, and your mouth shut until you call your lawyer.
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