The 7 Best Drunk Food Places in Farmington Hills, Michigan

author-pic at Michigan State University  

This is the definitive ranking of late night drunk food in Farmington Hills. There is truly nothing else to do in this town any time after 7 p.m., unless you want to go to the Emagine and get yelled at by a bunch of preteens.

7.) Wendy’s:
Wendy, you red haired bitch. You consistently get orders wrong and screw up the food you DO eventually serve. Your only two redeeming qualities are your Frostys and your sweet Twitter account. Just get the order correct when we come through the drive-thru, Wendy.

Rating: 1/10, do better.

6.) Buffalo Wild Wings:
Frankly, BDubs is in the same boat as Wendy’s. You have two or three bangers on the menu, and you’ll give us beer at 3 a.m. The problem is that outside of your buffalo and honey bbq sauces, the rest of your menu is absolute garbage. You serve overly priced and poorly sauced chicken nuggets, and it will no longer be tolerated.

Rating: 2.5/10, solely for the cheap beer.

5.) Taco Bell:
Taco Bell is obligatory on this list. Don’t get us wrong, it’s dope, but you still need to be blazed to enjoy it properly. Modern science has culminated all its findings to create the biologically irresistible food: the Crunchwrap. Be warned, there are only approximately 2.5 employees working here at once and they’re all on a smoke break. It takes a while, but it’s worth it.

Rating: 5/10, it’s Taco Bell.

4.) Roberto’s:
The first thing you need to know about Roberto’s is that nobody knows who Roberto is or even how this place came into being. The cook, and only employee, is an old Russian man who has some suspicious tattoos (read: mafia). Considering how often his is the only car in the lot, it wouldn’t be crazy to assume Roberto’s launders money for a very thriving drug trade. Either that or they get a lot of business from the hotel behind it… could be either one.

Rating: 6.5/10, they have dope chili fries.

3.) Craft Breww City:
Craft Breww is one of the newer restaurants in town and is known for their burgers and brewws. It’s one of the few places after 9 p.m. where you can get what the FDA is comfortable calling food, legally. This is the place to go if you’re an adult, or pretending to be one, and want an actual beer.

Rating: 7/10; it’s boring, but in a good way.

2.) Eddie’s Coney Island:
Eddie’s is the best coney in the area, and if you don’t agree you’re wrong. Leo’s can, frankly, suck a dick for all we care. Eddie’s is better and a local place run by Eddie, who is the best. Also they had that waitress who would sometimes rap at you, but then got knocked up by her boyfriend.

Rating: 8/10, it’s dinner and a show.

1.) Greene’s:
There’s not much to say about Greene’s that it doesn’t tell you itself: it’s cheap, it’s delicious, and it’s open 24 hours. The only downside to this is if you go too early in the night (read: before 1 a.m.), you’ll have to put up with the shitty high schoolers and/or their parents who won’t shut the fuck up. God himself gave humans Greene’s to show us his love for us.

Rating: 10/10, it’s beautiful.

Late night food in Farmington Hills is your generic late night fast food stops with a few decent exceptions. Frankly, nothing on this list is nearly as good as Greene’s, but if you’re some sort of nerd who doesn’t like sliders then we can’t help you. Go to Greene’s or just stay home honestly.

Bored at home? Listen to our podcast!