Guys, we love you, but sometimes you just do dumb, really moronic stuff. It pisses us off, and it’s mostly because you have no idea what you did that made us so upset. So, the dating experts at The Black Sheep have decided to help you fellas out, we’ve created a guide to help you better interpret her texts to learn if she’s really mad at you.
Wow, what did you do, dude? Did you eat her Conrad’s? Hit on her best friend? They’re both the same magnitude of betrayal. You did something. A general rule of thumb: any form of “okay” that isn’t “okie” pretty much guarantees you screwed up.
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Ouch, capital k? This is aggressive AF. She’s not messing around, or even trying to hide that she’s mad. She wants you to know, and is basically shouting it from the top of Beaumont Tower. You got some making up to do.
Anything that ends in a period.
Did she end a sentence with a period? Ruh-roh. We’re guessing you checked out another girl, or (honestly) told her that something made her butt look big. Oh, and you’re in even bigger trouble if it’s a one-word response and a period. If that one word response is “k.” then you really done fucked up. You’re sleeping on the couch—like, at a friend’s house at Western— friend.
Do not take “I’m fine” for her actually being fine; we never, ever mean we’re fine. EVER. WE’RE NOT, DAMMIT. And if you know what’s good for you, do not respond with “okay, good.” Keep prodding us for what’s troubling us. Heck, offer to come over and make us dinner. Just show us you care and whatever you did will blow over. Maybe. Gifts are nice too, preferably in the form of a check made out to cash.
No, you’re not funny. You’re an asshole. If you’re trying super hard to make us laugh and our response isn’t along the lines of “hahaha” or “LOLOL” then we’re absolutely, without a doubt, blowing you off because we’re irritated with you. No, a puppy picture won’t help. (Actually it might.)
Any one-word response
We’re perfectly capable of having a text conversation that doesn’t resort to caveman-like, one-word responses unless we’re a) at a red light or b) really mad at you. If your lady doesn’t have a car, you can pretty much assume it’s the second option.
No response at all
Yikes. If you’re getting crickets in lieu of a response then you’ve really, really, REALLY messed up. We recommend overanalyzing every conversation you’ve recently had with her. You’ll remember some recent situation when she may have gotten her feelings hurt. If you’re not sure if it was your fault, it was.
So, there it is. If your woman has texted anything on the above list, you have some making up to do. If you even figure out that we’re upset within a reasonable timeframe, we’re willing to forgive. Come on, we’re rational beings. But if it’s been three weeks and you still don’t know, well…good luck.