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Kesha Announced to Perform at Middle School-Themed Dance at Breslin


It was announced on Tuesday morning that MSU’s annual spring concert guest would be pop singer Kesha, featuring Lil Uzi Vert. The announcement was two-fold: not only will Kesha be performing on campus, but the spring concert will be transformed into a “Throwback Thursday”-style dance where concert-goers are required to dress and act like middle school students.


“It’s really important to us that everyone participates in the middle school theme,” said ASMSU chairwoman Barbara Sweaty. “If we see even one Rick and Morty tee or Chainsmokers bracelet, we will stop the show.”


When questioned as to why ASMSU, RHA, and UAB chose Kesha for their special guest, Sweaty’s answer was simple.


“We just wanted an excuse to throw a middle school dance. Honestly, college is much worse. Greek formals? The Honors College Ball? No thanks. I miss the days of drinking unspiked punch, wearing eyeliner below my eye, and dancing to censored versions of pop songs.”


MSU’s president, Lou Anna K. Simon, cited Kesha as not only an inspiration, but a beloved frenemy, “Kesh and I go way back. I was actually a DJ at one of her middle school dances back in my heyday as Lou-Swizzle. Funny how things change.”


Students, however, are less than thrilled about the theme. Andi Bloomington, MSU sophomore and psych major, seems exasperated by the decision.


“I don’t get it. I hated middle school, and so did all of my friends. Why would someone want to bring those horrible memories back? I had cystic acne, neon socks, and A-cups. No thanks.”


Kenny Alvarez, a kin major and passionate Kesha fan, was all for it.


“Kesha’s lyrics are sexy, just like my middle school years. “Take It Off”? Anthem of middle school dances for me. I totally got laid by my cute girlfriend. You wouldn’t know her, she goes to a different school.”


Whatever your opinion on the theme, we can be sure April 27th will be a night to remember (especially considering alcohol is banned from the premises). As Kesha would say, just make the most of the night like you’re going to die young – or at least while reliving your middle school years.



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