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Leaked: Interim President Engler’s Saucy Responses to the MSU College Sex Survey

Just two days ago, MSU emailed out a “college sex survey” to the majority of the student body. While the responses were promised to remain anonymous to inspire honesty, our very own interim present, John Engler, somehow managed to allow his responses to be emailed to The Black Sheep. John Engler, we know everything, and you’re a very dirty boy.

To begin this treacherous journey, The Black Sheep saw that our 69-year-old president (he’s literally setting himself up for this, 69, really?) claimed to be 25 in order to take this survey. The first answer Engler gave that caught our attention was in reference to our favorite topic, penile-vaginal intercourse!

After getting past the fact that our current leader can’t manage to count higher than a 1st grader, we realized that Engler is claiming to have more sexual interactions than we had originally anticipated. Let’s get to those details, kiddos!

Now let’s talk about anal sex, the powerhouse of the butt – or something like that.

Engler responds with a snippy “your mom” joke (that we highly respect), yet it makes us wonder if he hit all of our mothers with that 3 a.m. “u up?” text. Speaking of doing things late at night…

The common male would probably answer around 13 years old, but Engler didn’t hold back, and apparently, neither did his parents during the pregnancy months. After reading his second response, it appears there’s a good chance you (yes, you, reading this) and Engler have scrolled through Pornhub at the exact same time. A concept.

When asked for more details about his porn habits, he shocked us with this one.

We’re not sure what parties Engler is going to, but we’re glad we’re not invited. Next.

We’d like to thank whoever created this quiz for giving examples for ‘another object’, such as a bottle or a vegetable. We don’t want to wonder about which of the two Engler was answering for, or if his preferred object wasn’t accounted for, yet here we are, thinking about it. The Black Sheep is guessing vegetable, given the recent sightings of Engler leaving Snyder-Phillips with caf cucumbers creeping out of his pockets.

If you didn’t know anything about our interim president, well, now you do. Now, how did your results compare?

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