“We have just finalized all the paperwork regarding the construction of a new hall, right here on campus.” President Simon announced earlier today about the opening of a new building on Michigan State University’s campus.
She went on to explain the building will be named after Charles Butterworth, a mid-century philosopher who graduated from Michigan State in 1959. He is not to be confused with Kenyon L. Butterfield, who was president of MSU during the 1920s. He already has a building named after him, Butterfield Hall, which is located in Brody along with Bryan and Bailey. Not Bailey Street, however, since that is farther east of campus by Berkey and the Broad Art Museum.
The new Butterworth Hall will be located near the Beal Botanical Gardens, which is somewhat off of Beal Street, although Beaumont Tower is probably closer. Just to be clear, Butterworth will be by Beal Botanical, not Old Botany. If you’ve started to approach Breslin, you’ve gone too far, especially if you end up by the Berkowitz Baseball Complex. Conversely, if you end up by Bessey, you’ve gone too far the other way.
The opening ceremony will be held in Baker Hall, which can be reached by turning off of Bogue Street. Baker Hall is not located in Baker Woodlot, however, even though that too is off of Bogue. Yet the Bogue Street that Baker Woodlot is off of isn’t really the same Bogue that Baker Hall is located by, because the two streets don’t connect. Bogue Street by Baker Hall dead ends by the Business College. You would have to drive past the Business College, around the Biomed Building, past Biochemistry, and then turn right past Plant Biology to continue on Bogue. Baker Woodlot is going to be across the street from Bott and Bioengineering.
“I’m very confused as to why anyone thought this was a good idea,” confessed a lost psych major. “I honestly get more wasted just walking around trying to find my classes than I have at any party this year.”
As a quick refresh: a ceremony will be held in Baker off of Bogue to celebrate the opening of Butterworth by Beal Botanical which is somewhat off of Beal. Beal Botanical is not the same as the Botany Field Lab. That is located by Box Woodland, both of which are south of Bennett Road. Bennett Road is where Bennett Woodlot is located, also by the Beef Cattle Research Building. Bennett Woodlot is not as close to Box Woodlot as, say, the Biosystems Building. If you continue to take Bennett west past the Biosystems Building, however, you will eventually dead-end into Biotechnology Drive, where the Biotech Institute is located. If you end up by Bear Lake in the Bear Lake Nature Area you’ve obviously gone too far past the Biosystems Building on Bennett north of Box Woodlot by the Botany Field Lab which is not to be confused with Old Botany or Beal Botanical which is somewhat of off Beal although probably closer to Beaumont. If you end up in Beibesheimer Woodland, you’re completely lost.
“More ‘B’s’ are always dope,” chimed in a fraternity brother, Daniel Walker. “Beta Beta Beta for life, fam.”
President Simon encourages everyone to join the celebration in Baker off of Beal, and hopes the students aren’t too bewildered as to why MSU insists on making its campus even more befuddling than it already is. Gobsbeeb everyone.