It’s official – Michigan State University student Duncan Rite has returned to East Lansing from his study abroad with an absurdly fake accent. Rite studied computer engineering in Arezzo, Italy, during the fall semester of 2016.
“It sounds offensive,” Nick Weiber, Rite’s longtime friend, said bluntly. “Like, sure. Dunc’s always been a bit of a pretentious ass, but c’mon.”
Increasingly, millennials have been coming back from study abroads with abrasively bogus accents. A study done by the Fake Accent Kraze Effort (FAKE) has found that more than 51% of students come back with noticeably phony accents.
“It’sa notta fakka,” said Rite. “It’sa justa becausa I’ma worlda travelera nowa. They’rea upseta becausa I’ma more-a cultureda thana theya are-a.”
In our exclusive interview with Rite, it did not sound like a specific accent from any country The Black Sheep had heard of. In other words, it did not sound Italian at all—it was a breed all its own. He gracefully and disgustingly put an “a” after every word that came out of his mouth hole.
“It’sa justa mea.” Rite was heard explaining.
This has not only been annoyance to his close friends, but has put a real strain on his romantic relationship.
“No, it’s not sexy at all,” said girlfriend Taylor Niznark. “He grew out his mustache and keeps telling me it’s for ‘La Famiglia’. Whatever that means.”
Rite’s family is in shambles since the return of Rite and his unapologetically counterfeit dialect.
“I know he’s still in there somewhere,” said his sister, Maggie Rite. “I just want my brother back!”
Many professors have taken notice to this frightening phenomenon. The International Studies and Programs Board at MSU has been trying to fight this infectious anomaly since it began in 2010.
“It’s impossible for a person, who has spoken near-perfect English for 20 years, to pick up an accent after only being in a different country for a few months,” said Linguistics professor Dr. Marshall Mattis.
One of the many advantages to going to Michigan State University (besides the perpetuities of babes and booze) is the international and expansive study abroad program. Unfortunately, there has been reduced funding to the program due to the growing fraudulent accent trend. This is expected to continue as fraudulent accents increase.