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Oberama Forces The Riv’s Monday Bartender to Actually Do Something

Terror struck Nigel Norenkinder, 22, early Monday morning when he was greeted by a customers at 11 a.m. on the walk to his day shift at The Riviera Cafe.

The Michigan State Junior was hired as a bartender at what is more commonly known as The Riv last September under the terms that he would be working a very specific schedule.

“Monday mornings are ideal for me,” explained Norenkinder, “I mean think about it: when was the last time you heard somebody droppin’ by The Riv on a Monday? All I gotta say is there ain’t nobody goin’ to The fuckin Riv on a Monday morning at 11 in the morning. Save that mess for Thursdays and Saturdays!”

What Norenkinder had not been informed of was the “Oberama” promotion the establishment had created for the seasonal release of Oberon, Bell’s signature wheat ale.

“Look, I stated clearly that I didn’t plan on working during any ‘ramas’ while I’m here,” the irate bartender proclaimed. “No Burgerama. No Oberama. Hell, I wouldn’t even serve Wilmer Valderrama! I just don’t want to have to deal with a work environment that involves me doing work.”

Now, rather than going about his daily routine of playing pool, drinking, and doing homework “every now and again,” Norenkinder begrudgingly spent his Monday morning pouring craft beer for over-eager beer-drinkers at $7 a pitcher. Dad hats and thick beards surrounded the overwhelmed bartender through his entire shift.

Frequenting customers at The Riv speculate that Norenkinder will be sending in his two weeks notice as soon as possible due to what he described as “an inconsiderate act on the part of The Riv, Bell’s Brewery, and all of the disgusting people who actually expect me to assist them in their alcoholic needs.”

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