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Renewable Energy Petitions Actually Just LiveOn Giving You a Spot in Akers

Throughout the last couple of weeks, there have been various “renewable energy” representatives manipulating students to sign their “petitions” to “renew” “energy.” Signatures have been shockingly numerous, assumingely due to guilt rather than supporting the environment.

These “people” are tricking us all. It’s not a petition – it’s a LiveOn contract, and you’re signing to live in Akers.

“How could this happen to me?” wailed sophomore Jessica O’Reilly, a current Akers resident who will now be moving back for a third year.

An unknown source sent The Black Sheep a note written with cut-out letters from magazines saying what was really happening behind the scenes of these seemingly precious tree huggers.

It wrote: “I’ve seen them when you haven’t. LiveOn takes those signatures, the hundreds, maybe thousands, and registers each person to live in Akers next school year.”

The Black Sheep didn’t believe this at first, considering living arrangements have already been made for fall of 2018. But then we flipped the letter over.

It read: “You might think that you’re living in Bryan Hall next year; Brody residency, great caf, close to the Breslin. Wrong. LiveOn’s minions are somehow breaking your lease. From there, they’ll move you so far across campus your butthole will bleed. To the 8th floor of Akers you go. Hide your lab partners, hide your roommate, because they’re tricking everyone out here.”

The Black Sheep realized that almost all of our staff writers have signed the petition, with some even signing twice.

“And don’t you even think about signing the petition twice. You don’t even want to know what that means.” The note read.

We decided to talk to LiveOn face to face. When asked about the given allegations regarding disguises as environmentalists, LiveOn was open and honest.

“You’re not wrong there,” followed by, “bitch, you guessed it. See you in Akers!”

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