As finals week is about to begin, Spartans throughout East Lansing are discovering how little they know about their classes. But during this tumultuous, penultimate week, one student stumbled upon an even more startling revelation: an online class.
“Holy shit, I can’t believe I let this happen,” said advertising junior and local idiot Anthony Sestero. “I’m finished.”
According to Sestero, he made this discovery while scouring D2L for lecture slides for one of his other classes. This newly discovered online marketing class has its final exam on Monday, leaving Sestero with little time to pick up the pieces of his shattered life.
“Oh my God, oh my God! Please just tell me this is a bad dream!” said Sestero in hysterics to The Black Sheep before we slowly began walking away.
According to sources close to Sestero, this level of forgetfulness is somehow a new low for him.
“Anthony has always been a little oblivious. I mean, he did accidentally drink dish soap thinking it was flavored vodka, but this is just a new level of stupid,” said Sestero’s friend, Paul Jorgensen. “I just don’t even know what to say – how do you mess up this bad?”
Despite the shock surrounding Sestero’s oversight, this phenomenon is more common than you may think.
“Every time I teach this online course, at least one person forgets about it,” said Dr. Maggie Bowman, the instructor of the course. “Shit, I forget about it sometimes too, so I can’t really blame them. If Anthony actually has the audacity to show up to this final with zero knowledge, I’ll probably give him a sympathy 2.0 or an Applebee’s gift card.”
It remains to be seen whether Sestero will be able to salvage his grade in this class, but he remains hopeful. Or maybe he’s just in denial. As of press time, The Black Sheep really couldn’t tell.
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