Spartans, you made it through Christmas successfully convincing your parents that you go to MSU solely because of the high quality education they provide. You’ve made it this far through break without fucking anything up, so now it’s time to do just that. Here are 10 tips to make sure that your syllabus week is one heck of a “sylly” time.
9.) Buy Booze, Not Books:
All week long, professors are going to be non-stop nagging you about buying books for their class. Don’t be that person that buys books the first week – instead, you should dip into your post-Christmas budget and spend some of that dough on booze. After all, you’re going to waste all your money on alcohol anyway. Why not start now?
8.) Become Best Friends with the Front Row:
We all know you can turn that charm on when you want to. Hide your true feelings about being back in class, don’t be an asshole, make friends with the front row and hand out your number like you’re drunk at Rick’s. Those front-rowers are going to be your insurance for passing the class when you’re too drunk from ‘Rama.
7.) Give Your iClicker to Someone Who Refuses to Participate in Drunken Shenanigans:
As much as we hate to say this, not everyone will be participating in this week’s shenanigans. As the truly academic-focused, they’ll be dedicating this week to sobriety and studies. Before class, just hand them your iClicker and go back to bed (or the bar). It’s the ultimate multi-tasking.
6.) Find Yourself a Drinking Buddy:
Now that you set yourself up for a somewhat successful semester, you can focus on the real meaning of syllabus week: to get absolutely shitfaced. Throughout break the alcoholic tension was building, and the only way to solve that problem is at the bottom of a fifth. Use the buddy system and find yourself a DB.
5.) Spice Up Your Drinking Tools:
A beer bong? Don’t get us wrong, beer bongs are fabulous creations sent down from the gods, but it’s time to switch it up. Put away your beer bong for a week and get yourself a ladle. There’s nothing like a lil ladle of your favorite vodka to get you feeling some type of way before you head out to wherever your drunk ass wants to go.
4.) Extra Shots for Mandatory Attendance:
Why do bad things happen to amazing people? Mandatory attendance was created by someone eviler than Satan’s crotch. Take an extra shot for every class that you’re going to have to go to due to mandatory attendance. Heck, take extra ones for you friends’ classes, too.
3.) Send New Year’s Resolutions Down the Toilet:
New Year, new you? As if. Drunk you will still be the same as you were in 2016, so forget your New Year’s resolutions about being healthy and get your drunk booty to Cottage Inn, down that pizza, and guzzle that ranch. Don’t forget to say hi to George!
2.) Find Yourself a Sexy, Sylly, Fine-Ass Honey:
To top all the drunkenness you’ll be experiencing this week, you might as well text that one girl from last semester. Slide on over to her apartment after a late night at the bar, put the syllyness aside, and get down to business.
1.) Make Your Inner Evil Kermit Proud:
You’ve been good all winter break. You helped your mom cook Christmas cookies, you helped your grandma wrap presents, and it’s finally time to put your “home” self on the back burner. You’ve been a model citizen for the past couple of weeks; don’t be afraid to do something really stupid. ‘Cause why not? It’s syllabus week.
There you have it, Spartans. Make syllabus week your bitch!