MSU’s spring break has come and gone, and while most of us were greeted with a snowstorm our first day back, reluctant stragglers have been slowly making their way back, avoiding the cold at every opportunity they can. One of these late-comers is our very own mascot, Sparty.
Sparty’s a Caribbean cruise vacation was much-overdue, and his reappearance on campus has many students worried that this laid-back lifestyle has gone to his head.
“People that know the real Sparty can tell this guy is not the same,” said kinesiology major, Kristen Summers. “I don’t know who this mascot is anymore.”
Other students voice similar complaints.
“Sparty has always had a rough, rugged, and intimidating exterior, but deep down inside, he was also just a fun and loveable dude. He could be the life of the party, but also just a chill, down-to-earth bro,” said Chad Granger, a junior. “It was always telling of his character, being voted the greatest mascot in the world year after year, and still finding himself humbled every time.”
However, according to many of our sources, we are now entering the age of the selfish and braggadocios Sparty.
“I can’t remember exactly when the change was made, it just sorta happened,” explained biochemistry major, Brandon McKinley. “One day he was Sparty, and the next he was… Tan Sparty.”
Tan Sparty was a shock to all of campus. He reportedly has flavor, attitude, and is slightly more politically correct to his Grecian origins. Although the fans are being swayed to the change, Sparty himself, however, has become a little too self-absorbed in his newfound personality.
“You could tell he was different on the inside too,” Brandon continued. “And now, after spring break, he seems to have gotten even worse.”
When Sparty strutted back onto campus, he radiated a glow bronzer than his Union statue counterpart. He’s showing up late to events, refusing to take pictures, and parking his go kart in the middle of the sidewalk. He’s asking out-of-town fans who they know here and handing out his unsolicited SoundCloud link. It seems Mr. “Where’s My Hug?” has turned into Mr. “Left On ‘Read’.”
“I just want my friend back,” confessed education major, Shanece Davis. “He may think he’s beautiful on the outside, but he is nothing but ugly within.”
Need something to help pregame for St. Paddy’s? Try our Vine Power Hour: