Maybe it’s the impending inauguration or the realization that we have at least four more months of classes, but it already feels like the professors are sick of us. If you want to make sure your professor doesn’t hate you as much as the rest of your classmates, you’re going to need to earn their approval. You could try that through everyday conversation, by saying things like:
10.) “Go green!”
There’s nothing like a little campus pride, and your professors will love your random chants in the middle of class. Most of them will not only join in, but march the entire class through the hallways, encouraging others to join. It may not be as glorious as the chanting after a home football win, but it’s pretty damn close.
9.) “Wait, when are your office hours? Oh, they’re in the syllabus?”
Professors love students that are inquisitive, and they’ll feel refreshed to hear from a student that pays so much attention to their schedule. Many students don’t even bother going to office hours, so your dedication will mean the world to them.
Most professors, male or female, feel warmhearted when being referred to so lovingly as your father figure. There’s nothing that says A+ the way “daddy” does; after all, who would fail their own progeny? Sure, you may get in trouble for sexual harassment, but the key is to look them in the eyes and ask what’s so sexual about your father. The embarrassment alone will shame them into giving you an easy 4.0.
7.) “There was definitely room for Jack and Rose on that door!”
Your physics professor will be absolutely delighted to hear these eleven little words. He’s been waiting his whole life for precisely this moment, where he can explain the physics behind the entirety of Titanic. Why talk about magnetism or sound waves when you could debate about a 20-year-old movie?
6.) “Play ‘Free Bird’!”
Your prof would absolutely love to honor your request to play this Lynyrd Skynyrd jam. Sure, this may be an ISS class, but that doesn’t mean we can’t get our country rock on. After all, who wouldn’t want to spend a solid 15 minutes listening to “Free Bird”?
5.) “This is a very satisfying breadstick.”
Your prof’s eyes will well up with tears when he hears how much you enjoy your breadstick, stolen the night before from Union Late Night. No one appreciates a day-old ‘stick like he does, and mentioning its cheesy goodness will ensure he thinks positively of you.
4.) “Pardon me, are you Aaron Burr, sir?”
You’re not throwing away your shot to be the teacher’s pet, so referencing the award-winning musical Hamilton is a must to win over your IAH professor’s approval. It doesn’t matter that this class is about the Civil War, not the Revolutionary War; the dude’s a history nerd, and he’ll love your constant references to Lin-Manuel Miranda and Co., especially if you randomly interrupt his lectures with tidbits about the show.
3.) “I couldn’t do the assigned reading because I was at the basketball game.”
Your profs bleed green just as much as you do, so hearing that you were cheering on Tom and the boys will strengthen any bond you may have. The professors are obviously going to forgive any bball-related academic fatality, so have no qualms about possible judgment from them.
2.) “Sorry I was late to class – the Wells Hall Starbucks is so dang good!”
Professors love to hear how late you were, especially if you explain why, and that reason is the Wells Starbucks. Professors go here all of the time, so they totally understand how horrible the wait can be. Drink your soy latte not only with your pride, but with theirs.
1.) “Can we have class at Rick’s?”
Just like elementary school, when we wanted to have class outside, students are begging for a reprieve from class, and the professors want to give it to us. Asking your prof for the chance to slam some cheap beer is a surefire way to get his attention. Bonus points if you buy him a drink.
You really need a 4.0 this time to bring that GPA back up to a 2.5, so use these little phrases to charm your professor and wheedle their love out of them. Go forth – it’s time to start impressing those profs!