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So Wrong, It’s Right: Campus Increasingly Ambivalent About ‘All Time Low’ Tonight

It was announced last month that Michigan State’s Residence Halls Association was going to be bringing All Time Low, a pop punk band popular in the late ‘00s, to the Wharton Center. Since then, campus has been growing more and more hesitant over whether or not this was a good decision, with emotions coming to a head the day of the show.

“It’s like a sick little game!” remarked sociology professor H. Ello Brooklyn, expert in the types of people that shop at Hot Topic. “Inviting All Time Low to come in 2018 is nearly ten years too late. They’re a time-bomb! It’s a shameless move on the part of RHA, I tell ya.”

Many students felt similarly, saying that they would attend the event, despite not having strong feelings about RHA’s decision to book them.

“It’s not that I’m upset,” said Stella Merrick, a junior majoring in psych. “It’s just that I donated my ‘Hustler’ bracelet to Goodwill like five years ago and I don’t even have my Alex Gaskarth pillowcase anymore, so like, what’s the point? Damned if I go, damned if I don’t.”

Other students identified positive attributes of the band’s attendance, despite feeling indecisive over the artist themselves.

“It won’t be the best band, but this is going to be great for the party scene!” exclaimed Broad College hopeful Rian ‘Jay-Z’ Rae. “I can’t wait to be poppin’ champagne in the Wharton parking garage with my homies. It’ll be better than getting drunk on the beach! I hope I get so sloshed I have trouble remembering Sunday!”

When asked for comment, RHA’s chipper representative Solange Soldier had strong words to defend the decision.

This is how we do. Dear RHA, count campus in, because we feel like dancing tonight!” Soldier said plainly. “It feels like finding out we’ve got the guts to book anything!”

If you were one of the very few people excited for the show, don’t panic – despite massive ambivalence to their performance, RHA is going to let it roll as planned.

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