There are three keys to a successful UMichGameday: good friends, an elevated perch in the Pit, and plenty of booze. But, alas, the Saturday morning geyser of Crystal Palace seems to have run dry. Even the most seasoned pregame veterans may need a pick-me-up mid tailgate, and, when hard liquor is scarce, desperate times call for desperate measures. But we here at The Black Sheep understand this struggle, and are here to help.
5.) Use a fake stomach:
Find you loosest shirt and grab some duct tape, a Ziploc bag, and your vodka of choice. Fill the bag with liquor, tightly seal it, and tape it to your stomach. Under your baggy shirt, this flexible flask will just look like you put on a couple of pounds. But, once you reveal the truth behind your apparent weight gain, you’ll be the belle of the ball.
4.) Bring a backpack:
It’s a known fact that UMich students are some of the brightest and most studious students in the country. That being said, it wouldn’t be out of the realm of possibility for and undergrad to stroll around campus with a backpack on Saturday morning. But, instead of strutting to the UGLi, veer off course and head for Hill Street. Little do unsuspecting passersbys know the books have turned to booze. And lots of it.
3.) Bury your booze:
This trick requires a little more manual execution than some of the others, but the effort is well worth the reward. In the dead of night, sneak into your frat of choice with a shovel and a bottle in tow. When you arrive the next morning, simply unearth your drink and be merry. Potential hiding places include under the wooded structures of DTD or on the hill of Kappa Sig. Just make sure you remain sober enough to remember where you hid them.
2.) Wear a trench coat:
You know those coats that shady people on the streets of New York open up and have a bunch of fake Rolexes? Yeah, get yourself one of those. But instead of counterfeit luxury goods, fill yours with alcohol. The possible fillers are endless — Jell-O shots, mini bottles, flasks, etc. The world is your drunken oyster.
1.) Mini bottles galore:
Locate any and every crevice on your person and fill it with a mini bottle of liquor. Loose waistband on your pants? Mini bottle. Messy bun? Mini bottle. Sports bra? Mini bottle. Cargo shorts? An abundance of mini bottles. Though not the most eco-friendly option, these little gems are sure to keep your buzz going well through kickoff.
Use these tricks to make sure your Gameday is as blurry and boozy as you could ever hope. Or if this sounds like too much work or you think you are brave enough to handle a frat while sober, don’t follow our advice. It’s your prerogative.