Winter break is a time to unwind, relax, and spend some quality time with family and friends—unless your a Michigan student of course! Everyone knows that Michigan is notorious for its ridiculously short breaks that feel like all of a full 12 minutes. Michigan breaks are the instant rice of all college breaks, as in they’re finished quick and kind of mediocre, kind of like your last Tinder date. Here’s some things you could’ve done with your 12-minute break.
6.) Learn the Canadian national anthem:
Half the words are “Oh, Canada” so you should be able to master this in no time at all. By the time you’re back at school, you would’ve have a new song to serenade your loved one with, or a new pregame holy grail to whip out at any time. Either way, everyone will be more impressed with you than your friend who memorized all the words to “Bonfire.”
5.) Make macaroni (without the cheese):
Okay, so really just make pasta. Cheese is a privilege, not a right, and you probably should have a quick detox from your semester of Pizza House and newfound lactose intolerance anyway. It was one thing ordering a 2 a.m. cheesy bread after a night out, but eating it during daylight and requesting that it be personally delivered to your study room was the last straw. Regardless, you probably won’t have time to stir in the cheese anyway. Pro tip: If you’re an expert cook and miraculously find yourself with enough time, also make a macaroni necklace as a bribe for your teacher for that one class you plan on failing. But you probably won’t have time.
4.) Take a really good dump:
Let’s be real, you never really take enough time out of your day for yourself. Finally, you have a sufficient amount of time for a real good dump. Not an average dump. Not a quick dump between classes, but the real darn thing.
3.) Enjoy the larva stage of a fruit fly’s life cycle:
Every ancient relative likes to remind you of how they remember you when you were little (AKA, your awkward stage) the second you get home. Instead of reliving this hell for another break, reverse the cycle and let yourself watch someone grow up for a change. Enjoy the life cycle of a fruit fly and watch the miracle of metamorphosis. Bonus tip: the next time your parents try to get you to do something like booking your own dentist appointment by calling you an adult, just explain that you’re still in your pupa stage. Works every time.
2.) Read a children’s book:
Everyone always brags about how many books they read over the summer or over break. Since you won’t actually have time to read an age appropriate novel, opt for a children’s book instead! Be sure to name drop random titles to remind people that despite mixing up “your” and “you’re” in every text message, you’re actually literate! “Yeah dude, I have the munchies worse than The Very Hungry Caterpillar.” Trust us, all your friends will be super impressed with your literally references.
1.) Knit a glove:
It’s time to get crafty, people! Winter is coming whether you like it or not, and you’ll need at least one of your hands to be free from frostbite in order to take notes in class and do..whatever else you do. Knit yourself a single glove because it’s all you’ll have time for, and no one likes a try hard. If your other hand gets frostbite, at least you won’t be able to hold a drink and text your ex at the same time!
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