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7 Things in Ann Arbor the Wind Should Have Blown Away But Didn’t

 

How about that wind last week? Whether you loved every second because class was cancelled, or are now blind in one eye due to flying mulch, there were just a few things that held on strong enough to stick around, unfortunately. We can’t help but wish the wind took a few other things, besides taking out the power.

 

7.) Your Professors:
Honestly, if anything could’ve been blown away, it should’ve been the teachers. The kids who had class in the Chem Building were some lucky bastards, why let them have all the fun? Maybe because they’re in Orgo, but dammit, they chose to be in Orgo!

6.) Your Loud Ass Neighbors:
These people have been annoying all year long, the least the wind could’ve done is just blown them away forever. Or maybe just a few doors down to blast Tremor at 2:00 a.m. somewhere else. Honestly, you probably still would’ve heard them.

5.) All of Your Responsibilities:
If the wind had done its damn job, you’d have no homework, no exams, wouldn’t have to take the dog out, wouldn’t have to wear pants. Then you could just relax and do that thing you used to do to have fun. You know, fun, that thing you had before there were obscene amounts of homework for every night.

4.) Anyone Still Saying “Cash Me Ousside”:
Sure I’ll “cash you ousside”– flying away from me because this joke is dead. It was funny for maybe 6 days, just let it die a natural death and move on.

3.) Your GPA:
At this point, you’ll do anything to raise your GPA, to hell with logic. If anything could bring your grades back from the ashes, it should’ve been the wind, alas, air circulation didn’t seem to do the trick. Maybe pay attention in Thermo next time.

2.) Your Social Awkwardness:
For this one, we’re operating under the same line of thinking as when Squidward got hit with a door and it made him beautiful. If the wind flings a Diag squirrel at you hard enough, that should jostle something around in your brain to make you less awkward right?

1.) Your Student Loans:
Honestly, walking outside with all of your life savings in cash and throwing it into the wind is the equivalent of trying to pay for school. If you stood outside long enough, you’d probably get some loose change flying at you. See how much of your 40k/year for out of state tuition you can catch!

If only we could control nature right? What would you have wanted the wind to blow away? Let us know in the comments below, or on the twitter @BlackSheep_UM

 

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