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9 Things to Try Not to Do This Year at the University of Michigan

We’ve all been there: it’s the New Year and you want to make a resolution but don’t know what you want to stop doing (or start doing, but probably stop). If you’re struggling to find something not to do again this semester, read on!

9.) Not Going to Class or Studying:
We’re here to get a degree but the last thing we want to do is learn. Unfortunately you can’t go another semester with only 12 credits if you ever want to graduate. Bonus points if you can get your professor to know your name.

8.) Spending Your Life Savings $15 at a Time on Feta Bread:
With the impending haze that is Sylly Week, challenge yourself to not drunkenly buy feta bread! However enticing the free delivery coupon code is, don’t give in, stay strong.

7.) Going to the Bar on Tuesday Night:
Again, this is a good one for Sylly Week. You may say to yourself “but we had Tuesday off, what better time to go?” Cover may be free, but how much will the burning regret you feel in 8 a.m. Orgo cost?

6.) Eat Every Flavor of Halo Top in a Week:
Ok this may sound like a good idea, sure it’s low in calories and has no preservatives, and Halo Top just released ten new flavors, and, well, you know what just go ahead and do this one, you can’t win them all. We won’t tell.

5.) Giving Away All of Your Bagels to the Squirrels:
This one’s super hard we know. But you got that bagel from Welcome Wednesday and haven’t had something this luxurious since last week. Reward yourself for getting out of bed before 11 a.m. with that cinnamon crunch bagel. P.S.: squirrels don’t even hibernate so they know how to find food themselves they’re just lazy.

4.) Walk Into Ross Ever:
It may be convenient to cut through on your way to class, but once there, you’ll be instantly overwhelmed with the chatter of how everyone worked for their fathers’ firms over the summer. If you make it out alive, side-effects include: feeling slightly disgruntled or annoyed, lower self-esteem, and the urge to buy a $700 suit.

3.) Go to the Union Starbucks:
Ah, the Union Starbucks, a necessary evil. It’s so convenient, right in the center of campus, yet every time we go in it somehow takes 25 minutes to get a cup of coffee. Whether they’re out of some syrup, or you know, any coffee product. Only after waiting 10 minutes in line and being late to class will you be able to get your drink you didn’t really want to begin with.

2.) Go to a Frat Party:
Unless you really want to relive Bat Mitzvah season as an adult this is just never a good idea. You know what that means: pledges. You know, the baby-faced, teal chubbies, black wayfarer wearing boys plaguing the second floor of the UgLi. But if you’re into barely-legal freshmen coming up from the back and grinding on you, this is the spot to be!

1.) Wear the Shirts From the T-Shirt Stand:
You know the shirts we’re talking about. The ones that say things like “Ann Arbaugh” or “OSU Did Harambe”. These shirts are what people who don’t go to Michigan wear. You might as well just wear a shirt that says “My Mom Thought This Was Hilarious So Now I’m Wearing It”.

Well there you have it folks, a whole convenient list of things to try not to do again this semester (but will inevitably do sooner or later). It’s up to you to make this semester better than the last,  and we already have the year change on our side, so keep the good vibes going!


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