Are you sick and tired of going to the same tailgates every Saturday and not even remembering it? Do you want to avoid being “basic” and going to the same frats as everyone else? Switch up your tailgating schedule with these five best places to tailgate at Michigan! You (probably) won’t forget them:
5.) Schlissel’s Home:
Show Schlissel your school pride by camping out on his lawn for the entire day before the game, starting bright and early at 7 a.m. Have a barbeque on his lawn, and invite every student organization to join and discuss pressing athletic issues on campus (Are khakis in or out this season?! Should Urban Meyer retire to become a ventriloquist?!). Schlissel will appreciate the company and stimulating conversation, and he’ll especially appreciate the vomit left on his lawn.
4.) The Bursley-Baits Bus:
The Bursley Baits Bus is probably the most exclusive tailgate on campus: freshmen only. You already know this tailgate will be lit because it is absolutely packed. Half the people on this bus probably know where they’re going, and the other half probably just forgot to get off. Convince the driver to turn up the radio, and sing along with your fellow lost freshmen. It’s going to be a longgggggggggggg ride.
3.) The Ross Bathroom:
If you lose all your friends at the tailgate, simply head over to the Ross School of Business bathroom and make some new friends! People are friendlier in bathrooms, and that’s a goddamn fact. There’s probably free food being served for some Ross recruiting event, so do your best to blend in with the suits despite your obnoxious gameday apparel and half-closed drunk eyes. Stephen M. Ross would greatly appreciate your decision to ignore “there’s no such thing as free lunch” and your unique use of his facilities.
2.) The Law Library:
This one’s for you, hipsters! The irony of breaking the laws of underage drinking, disorderly conduct, and public intoxication will be lost on no one. The long tables in the law library are perfect for a beer pong tournament, and even a game of flip cup with some stressed out law students. Crack open a beer, crack open a book, and light up all that yummy cra—actually don’t light up any crack, as the future lawyers of America are probably watching you.
1.) The Young Life Church:
If your drink of choice is wine, then this is definitely the perfect tailgate location. Sacramental wine will leave you feeling holy and pure, unlike the last time you drank yourself silly at a tailgate and woke up on a fraternity lawn. Plus, churches are known for being super accepting, so they won’t kick you out like that fraternity who yelled, “Who do you know here?!” before throwing you out for not being able to name a single brother. Next time just say you know Matt—there’s always a Matt.
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