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A Very Demanding Christmas List to Schlissel, from Michigan Students

Whether it’s your first or last year at Michigan, you have probably come to view President Schlissel as a somewhat father like figure in your life (if your father is well intentioned but somewhat distant i.e. anyone with daddy issues). He tries his best, only communicates with you via email, and wants you to limit your partying (or Greek life). Since it’s almost the time of year that we actually remember to call our relatives in high hopes of receiving something other than socks for the holidays, The Black Sheep handcrafted its very own Christmas list for Daddy Schlissel to avoid any confusion.

5.) Snow days!:
Around half of UofM students are from out of state, and those of us from the Northeast have been raised on the premise that snow days are a right, not a privilege. After studying 24/7 with only extremely short fall/spring/winter breaks, haven’t we earned the right to occasionally sleep through a 9 a.m. and sip hot chocolate rather than having our faces assaulted by the harsh winter elements? Plus, seasonal depression is very real, and a snow day here or there might provide a much-needed mental health day for students.

4.) Rename CCLittle:
It’s true that it’s the little things that count, and in this case, it’s the Clittle things in life that truly matter. This gift requires minimal time, effort, or money—just like the secret Santa gift everyone’s buying their housemate a day before the reveal. We’re from a “different” generation, everyone can agree that rewarding a racist individual with his own building is extremely uncool.

3.) A longer winter break:
The holidays are the perfect time to show your appreciation for friends and family (or to break up with your significant other because you don’t want to buy them an expensive present). For many students, it could be difficult to make sufficient time for a family that’s a 10-hour drive away. A longer winter break would allow us more time to spend with family and friends (family that, for some, is helping with the astronomical cost of attending this university).

2.) More places to study:
Many of us love going to such a large school, but this love is diminished by having to share our personal space with strangers. Cramped dorms, busses, elevators, and classrooms may be unavoidable, but having overcrowded study spaces shouldn’t be. Everyone loves strangers breathing on us just as much as the next guy, but c’mon—we have to draw a line somewhere. 

1.) Ban Richard Spencer:
Between Grandma’s uncomfortable comments at Thanksgiving and building tension amongst housemates over changing the thermostat, UMich students have had enough drama over the past few weeks to last a lifetime. We would like to opt out of the chaos that unfolded from Richard Spencer speaking at Charlottesville (and to keep neo-Nazis off our campus in general). If you really need the drama that comes along with a controversial speaker, maybe have Urban Meyer, Lena Dunham, or Kim Kardashian come speak instead.

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